The Rev­o­lu­tion Walks on Soft Feet

Hello Mr. Magazine - - CONTENTS - Kevin Junk

ZERO: Gay bar? You mean gay speakeasy. On the up­side, a venue ac­ces­si­ble only via a lad­der up a dis­used ven­ti­la­tion shaft and then a rusty slide is less likely to be de­tected and raided by the po­lice for crimes against de­cency.

FIVE: There’s a gay foot­ball team: hello progress! Too bad they’re not al­lowed in the “straight league” be­cause no­body would share a locker room with them, forc­ing them to ahem, play with them­selves. Dude, we’re cool with gays but we just don’t want to get hit on and checked out, you know?

TEN: “Gay cui­sine” is in vogue, and it en­tails a lot of brunch and a lot of fu­sion. Straight peo­ple are cer­tainly wel­come, as long as they don’t in­dulge in os­ten­ta­tious dis­plays of het­eronor­ma­tiv­ity like hand-hold­ing and feed­ing each other: those peo­ple are tol­er­a­ble, as long as they don’t go around rub­bing it in ev­ery­one’s faces.

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