Hello Mr. Magazine - - WELCOME TO THE GAYBORHOOD -

ZERO: The “gay­bor­hood” con­sists of one du­plex. City holds straight pride pa­rades. Monthly. Led by spe­cial guests Fred Phelps and the re­an­i­mated corpse of Oral Roberts. How­ever, pa­rade floats are un­in­ten­tion­ally and hi­lar­i­ously phal­lic.

FIVE: “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is still a com­mon and ac­cept­able ap­proach to ho­mo­sex­u­als in this city’s work­places: mil­i­tary or oth­er­wise, with the ex­cep­tion of the cre­ative in­dus­tries where “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ap­plies to straight peo­ple.

TEN: A benev­o­lent gay dic­ta­tor­ship, over­seen by a ge­netic clone of Har­vey Milk and drag-wear­ing, pride pa­rade-lead­ing mayor of Reyk­javik, Jon Gnarr – spliced to­gether into one fab­u­lous whole.

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