Hello Mr. Magazine - - WELCOME TO THE GAYBORHOOD -

ZERO: Ev­ery part of town has a highly ded­i­cated and ef­fec­tive neigh­bor­hood watch. This pa­trol con­sists pri­mar­ily of four­teenyear-old boys who ha­bit­u­ally call things like Lana Del Rey and movies that aren’t The Fast And The Fu­ri­ous 6 “like to­tally gay”.

FIVE: Sodomy was de­crim­i­nal­ized at least ten years ago, and the cops rarely even ticket pub­lic of­fend­ers.

TEN: Self-pro­claimed “straight-act­ing masc 4 masc ONLY” men live in their own walled neigh­bor­hood, con­sist­ing pri­mar­ily of weightlift­ing gyms and pro­tein smoothie stores. Ev­ery­one – club masc in­cluded – is hap­pier this way.

Tim Forster is a Mon­treal-based “writer.” Okay, fine: he makes cof­fee in a nice brunch joint, but he gets paid to write some­times, hon­estly. Fol­low him @tim­o­th­yj­forster.

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