Post-Breakup Ad­vice Your Friends Think You Need

Hello Mr. Magazine - - POST-BREAKUP ADVICE YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOU NEED - Text by Brent Per­sun Il­lus­tra­tions by Hue Park

What does that even mean?! That I’m in­ca­pable of un­der­stand­ing heart­break? That you can only build sig­nif­i­cant, lifeal­ter­ing re­la­tion­ships af­ter you hit 35? Or are you im­ply­ing that emo­tional heal­ing is like phys­i­cal heal­ing and younger peo­ple are more re­silient? Be­cause I’d wa­ger the op­po­site is true. The first is the worst. Mmmhmm. That's great. You do re­al­ize that I once thought the sun shone out his ass and pro­ceeded to per­form a close in­spec­tion? Part of me still wants to do that. Granted, part of me agrees with your spite­ful view and would love noth­ing more than to de­liver a swift kick to his balls. But mostly I just want to drunk text him and never tell you about it. You don't say? Is this some­one a 6'9" yoga in­struc­tor with the soul of a poet and a goofy smile that si­mul­ta­ne­ously melts my heart and hard­ens other parts? With the added bonus of ac­tu­ally want­ing to date me? Cause if he’s not an ex­act replica of my bro­ken heart’s de­sire, he sim­ply won’t do. Is that crazy of me? Of course. Now give me ice cream. Why on earth would you think this is some­thing I want to hear? I’m a fuck­ing Taurus. Who is a very emo­tional be­ing. And now you want to tell my stub­bor­nas-hell feels that they’re wrong?

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