Boyfriend’s drunk mother confronts reader at party
Dear Carolyn: Recently I was at a party hosted by my boyfriend’s mother. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about six months but we have been friends for a decade. His mother drunkenly confronted me at the party, saying she is dissatisfied with the speed at which our relationship is progressing — too fast — and she doesn’t like the impact it can have on her grandchild (my boyfriend’s child).
While I sympathize with what she is saying, we are by no means going too fast. We are in a long-distance relationship and only see each other once a week, if we’re lucky. We are intentionally taking our time because we want his child to be comfortable with us.
While I spend time with his child and we’ve formed a bond, we make it very clear the child has a mother and I’m daddy’s friend.
I did advise his mother politely that, considering we live hours from each other and I only see her grandchild maybe once a month, it’s not really shoving the relationship down the child’s throat, and as we’ve been dating for six months and don’t plan on living together anytime in the near future, it’s not moving too fast. I also told my boyfriend what she said and he was upset she cornered me and had this conversation with me and not with him. If this were to happen again in the future, what should I say? — Jumping To Conclusions
Dear Jumping: “[She] drunkenly confronted me”: Please take this as fourword license to ignore this and all future beer pressure. Seriously. If she has something to say, she can say it sober to you or her son. Ideally the latter. If you’re an in vino veritas subscriber, allow me to suggest a slight edit. What I think people free in themselves with alcohol isn’t so much the truth as a willingness to seek feedback and feelings they deny themselves.
His mother might just need to feel like she’s in control. If and when this happens again, smile and say, “Of course you’re worried, it’s your grandchild, I’d be worried too.” Zig when she’s looking zag — and for the love of potstirring grandmas, stop explaining yourself. Just get away from the conversation at your first even marginally polite opportunity.