Drop the ‘doctor’ title when relaxing in social situations
Dear Miss Manners:
I have been a physician for 40 years. When introducing myself in social/ business situations, I introduce myself as Zachary Welch. I have been told I should introduce myself as Dr. Welch.
I feel this is somewhat pretentious. My brother does not introduce himself as Attorney Trevor Welch.
Gentle Reader:
Over those 40 years, how many times have you hoped to enjoy a relaxing social evening, only to be asked to examine someone’s rash, to give advice about the condition of someone’s relative you haven’t seen, or to listen to a rant about other doctors or health costs?
Do your advisers assume that you want to encourage more of that sort of thing?
Miss Manners realizes that we live in times when people are constantly touting themselves, and the distinction between work and social life is all but obliterated. Yet you do not have to live like that.
The rule against using a title for oneself — whether it is doctor, duke, Mr. or Mrs. — when it is not a professional necessity has not been repealed. Should you not feel the need to brag or to drum up business when you are off duty, you should follow it.
Dear Miss Manners:
I invited nine people for dinner, and I furnished and prepared the meal. Several of the guests sent me some form of thank-you. Hooray! What is puzzling me is that the respondents thanked me for hosting the event. In my mind, “hosting” does not convey a reflection of my effort and expense. I could have “hosted” a potluck dinner. Am I just out of step on this phraseology?
Gentle Reader:
In Miss Manners’ mind, “host” is not a verb, but we will let that pass.
Your guests were thanking you for your hospitality, which includes providing the food and the expense. (At a potluck dinner, the host’s functions are split among the guests, rather than belonging exclusively to the person in whose house it is held.) Miss Manners is sorry that you did not receive the ecstatic testimonials you were expecting, but they were not required.
Dear Miss Manners:
My 60-year-old husband of 38 years has been asked to be a groomsman — one of seven — for our 35-year-old part-time employee of 15 years. At what point during the reception will his responsibilities to the corresponding bridesmaid be fulfilled? I know I will want to spend some time with him on the dance floor.
Gentle Reader:
Being a groomsman does not constitute being on a blind date with a bridesmaid. Miss Manners assures you that you will get him back.
Very likely, there will be such a person next to him during the recessional, and it is even possible that the wedding party may be asked to dance with one another once by way of encouraging general dancing. It would be gracious for him to mix a bit with the other guests, but it would be equally gracious for you to join him in doing so.
Dear Miss Manners:
My ex-husband and I both remarried other partners, and he has children with his new wife. We all get along beautifully, spending vacations, holidays and other events together.
When introducing their children to my friends (or whomever), what “title” should I give them? The explanation that they are my exhusband’s children just seems unfair because they are more than that to us. Any suggestions?
Gentle Reader:
Use their names. The idea that you have to define every relationship in all of its particulars is one that has always bewildered Miss Manners. It is no one’s business — and usually only of true interest to the parties involved. How you treat your exhusband’s children will presumably speak more to your relationship with them than any lengthy explanation. And it will become self-evident to the friends who are interested enough to find out.