Rock Hall Mayor

Kent County News - - OPINION -

To the ed­i­tor: It is with ri­otous en­thu­si­asm and an­tic­i­pa­tion that I hereby an­nounce my can­di­dacy for the of­fice of mayor of Rock Hall. I don’t know when the next elec­tion is but I am in.

Why? You might ask. And what qual­i­fies me for this pres­ti­gious of­fice?

Well, first, at a time when peo­ple are so fed up with gov­ern­ing bod­ies con­trolled by po­lit­i­cal elites, and so-called out­siders are get­ting a lot of sup­port, I am the ul­ti­mate out­sider. I don’t even live in Rock Hall. I live in Florida.

And so far as qual­i­fi­ca­tions are con­cerned, un­like one or the other of our pres­i­den­tial can­di­dates, I do pay taxes and I do not have my own email server. I have Gmail like ev­ery­body else.

So what draws me to be­come mayor of this town? Well I have al­ways wanted to drive a po­lice car. I am too fee­ble to be a cop, but I heard that in Rock Hall the mayor can just waltz down to the po­lice motor pool and grab a cruiser when­ever he or she pleases. How cool is that?

Can you see me in that big SUV with the light bar on top cruis­ing among all those fine wenches dur­ing the big pi­rate week­end? Yeah, that’s me in the chick mag­net over there. And I get those blind­ing lights flash­ing and the sireen go­ing and pull into Mag­gie’s some night. They’ll be div­ing un­der the ta­bles.

You can go on road trips down to the ocean with your buds. And what do you think those yay­hoo OC cops will do when they see you squeal­ing wheels out of the park­ing lot at Big Peck­ers? Not a damn thing. That’s what. You’re in that red, white and blue pur­suit ve­hi­cle. No in­ter­lock de­vice, baby. You are bul­let­proof.

And be­cause it ap­pears that Rock Hall has this un­lim­ited sup­ply of cop cars, as mayor I will cre­ate a big new rev­enue source. When me or my kin are not tool­ing around in those cars, we’ll of­fer them to Uber, and we’ll keep the cops busy as Uber driv­ers. And you don’t even have to tip. J. Tay­lor Buck­ley

Sani­bel, Fla.

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