Rock Hall Mayor
To the editor: It is with riotous enthusiasm and anticipation that I hereby announce my candidacy for the office of mayor of Rock Hall. I don’t know when the next election is but I am in.
Why? You might ask. And what qualifies me for this prestigious office?
Well, first, at a time when people are so fed up with governing bodies controlled by political elites, and so-called outsiders are getting a lot of support, I am the ultimate outsider. I don’t even live in Rock Hall. I live in Florida.
And so far as qualifications are concerned, unlike one or the other of our presidential candidates, I do pay taxes and I do not have my own email server. I have Gmail like everybody else.
So what draws me to become mayor of this town? Well I have always wanted to drive a police car. I am too feeble to be a cop, but I heard that in Rock Hall the mayor can just waltz down to the police motor pool and grab a cruiser whenever he or she pleases. How cool is that?
Can you see me in that big SUV with the light bar on top cruising among all those fine wenches during the big pirate weekend? Yeah, that’s me in the chick magnet over there. And I get those blinding lights flashing and the sireen going and pull into Maggie’s some night. They’ll be diving under the tables.
You can go on road trips down to the ocean with your buds. And what do you think those yayhoo OC cops will do when they see you squealing wheels out of the parking lot at Big Peckers? Not a damn thing. That’s what. You’re in that red, white and blue pursuit vehicle. No interlock device, baby. You are bulletproof.
And because it appears that Rock Hall has this unlimited supply of cop cars, as mayor I will create a big new revenue source. When me or my kin are not tooling around in those cars, we’ll offer them to Uber, and we’ll keep the cops busy as Uber drivers. And you don’t even have to tip. J. Taylor Buckley