Mother’s reaction makes date-rape victim furious
Dear Amy: When I was a teenager, I was date-raped, and my mother kicked me out of her home because she didn’t believe my account of what happened to me.
I spent six years picking up the pieces of my life. I have since always doubted my actions and my soul.
Fast forward to recently. My mother confided in me that she too had been dateraped. She had, in fact, reacted in the exact same manner that I did.
I want to disown this woman. I hate her. Her actions traumatized me much worse than the actual rape. But here’s the catch: She is very wealthy, and I am a disabled veteran with several children, one of them with special needs.
If I let my mother know how I feel, I could be jeopardizing a very large inheritance (seven figures) that could give my children the good life that she stole from me.
My best friend and my husband think I need to withdraw contact, but they understand my pragmatism. Should I dump my mom and go out with a blaze of glory? Or should I pretend to love her and wait for the inheritance to give me warm fuzzies?
Dear Furious: I fail to see how dumping your mother permits you to go out “with a blaze of glory.” To me, this act seems the opposite of glorious.
Your family needs true reconciliation — that is the best and only honest legacy to leave to your children. Faking it for the money will backfire. Aside from the inheritance, if you and your mother are able to understand each other, everybody wins.
You will make progress if you receive counseling to deal with the rape and its aftermath and to understand your mother’s failings, accept her frailties and, perhaps, come to forgive her.