Trying to regain trust in husband
Dear Amy: My husband had an emotional affair with a co-worker, and although he said it was over, I later found out that it was not.
Now he claims it is definitely over and has given me access to all of his e-mail, phone records, etc.
Most of the time I do believe him because he is more like his old self.
I hate checking up on him, but will I ever stop being suspicious? Will I ever be able to respect him again?
I also fear that I am becoming bitter and unable to let go of my anger. And sometimes I’m afraid that I don’t love him as I should.
How do I begin to trust, respect and love him again?
Wanting to Let Go
Dear Wanting: You will begin to trust, respect and love your husband again, but you will have to take it one painful day at a time.
You may not enjoy policing his e-mail and cellphone. If this causes you pain, then stop.
Then you will have to consciously decide to trust him.
And then, eventually, you will trust him.
Absolute transparency between you two is necessary. That means you should be honest with him about your anger and sadness, and he in turn must be honest with you about his feelings. He needs to apologize and ask for your forgiveness, and you should forgive him.
A professional counselor will help you sort through his betrayal and your reaction to it.