She wants a college grad
My brother-inlaw asked his longtime girlfriend to marry him. Since he has yet to complete his undergraduate degree, she told him she will give him an answer when he graduates. She gave him a deadline to finish or she would break up with him.
My brother-in-law is heartbroken because he thinks she doesn’t trust him.
Her concerns are legitimate because he needs to get serious about his future and she has already completed her bachelor’s. Neither of them has a job. They are in their mid-20s.
But who’s in the right? Should she have given him the ultimatum? Or should she just trust him and say yes?
I’ve been married a long time, and I know that marriage is hard work, so to start off with ultimatums and conditions sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Concerned in Chicago
This girlfriend isn’t saying, “Once you graduate, we’ll start to plan our marriage.” She’s saying, “Once you graduate, we’ll discuss marriage.”
The concept of graduating before marriage sounds responsible, though it’s obvious from your account that she delivered this news poorly — or your brother-inlaw interpreted it that way.
I am with you. I don’t like ultimatums. I like conversations, negotiation, compromise and understanding. But she revealed exactly where she stands.