Mom wants cou­ple to wed

Los Angeles Times - - COMICS - Send ques­tions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@tri­bune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tri­bune, TT500, 435 N. Michi­gan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

Dear Amy: My 29-year-old daugh­ter has been see­ing her 37-year-old boyfriend (nei­ther of them has ever been mar­ried) for just over one year.

They seem to talk as if they are se­ri­ous, and it sounds like this re­la­tion­ship will even­tu­ally lead to mar­riage. How­ever, there has been no talk of a ring, pro­posal, etc., on his part.

When I ask my daugh­ter about this, she is very clear that I should stay out of their busi­ness.

It seems th­ese days, girls date for five, 10 years — one of my daugh­ter’s friends is go­ing on 15 years with no plans of mar­riage!

Call us old-fash­ioned, but why does this “dat­ing ” stuff have to go on so long? Both of th­ese peo­ple have good­pay­ing jobs, and they seem to care very deeply about each other. Let’s get this show on the road! How long does this “get­ting to know each other” thing have to last?

Should my hus­band and I step in and ask this guy what his fu­ture in­ten­tions are to­ward our daugh­ter?

Con­cerned Par­ents

Dear Par­ents: Yes, you should def­i­nitely sit this 37year-old man down and ques­tion him about his pri- vate life and plans for the fu­ture. Per­haps you could also bring along some brochures for en­gage­ment rings you would like to see on your daugh­ter’s fin­ger. And don’t for­get to pres­sure this cou­ple about hav­ing grand­chil­dren!

Truly, you are med­dling and be­ing dis­re­spect­ful. Given your be­hav­ior, you shouldn’t be sur­prised if your daugh­ter never gets mar­ried. This sort of pres­sure will af­fect her be­hav­ior in ways that aren’t good for any of you.

Back off. Way off.

Dear Amy: Eigh­teen years ago I left my ca­reer to stay home. Now, I have two se­niors head­ing to col­lege and too much free time. I am hap­pily mar­ried to a man who has a suc­cess­ful busi­ness and works from home. I have friends and vol­un­teer, but I’m bored.

I don’t want to re­turn to work full time be­cause my youngest son is still in school.

I spend a lot of time think­ing about small busi­nesses I could start or jobs I could ap­ply for, but I can’t seem to pick one and get go­ing.

How can I de­cide what to do and ac­tu­ally make it hap­pen?

In the Dol­drums

Dear Dol­drums: You don’t need to map out the rest of your life right now — you only need to get un­stuck to start this tran­si­tion into the next phase of your life.

Start by ap­ply­ing for part-time jobs — any part­time job. It might take you a while to get some­thing be­cause you’ve been out of the work­force.

If it were me, I’d try to work the lunch shift at a busy diner. The tir­ing work­day, re­spon­si­bil­i­ties and glanc­ing in­ter­ac­tion with lots of dif­fer­ent peo­ple from all walks of life could be good for you and might in­spire your next phase.

Read the book “I Could Do Any­thing if I Only Knew What It Was: How to Dis­cover What You Re­ally Want and How to Get It,” by Bar­bara Sher and Bar­bara Smith (Dell, 2010). The au­thors of­fer thought­ful and prac­ti­cal sug­ges­tions for be­com­ing un­stuck.

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