She wants par­ents to meet, but he doesn’t

Los Angeles Times - - THE GUIDE - Send ques­tions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@tri­bune.com.

Dear Amy: My boyfriend/fi­ance and my mother do not get along. He says that be­cause we have had many is­sues within our re­la­tion­ship, he doesn’t feel right about in­tro­duc­ing my par­ents to his par­ents.

My boyfriend and I have been to­gether off and on for six years. Our re­la­tion­ship has been good for the past six months.

How can I make him un­der­stand that it’s im­por­tant to me that he builds a re­la­tion­ship with my mother and that our par­ents build a re­la­tion­ship with each other?

Is it wrong of me to ask this of him if he is not ready?

Ms. Con­fused

Dear Ms. Con­fused: You can ask any­thing at all of your boyfriend-slash-fi­ance. How­ever, you can’t make him cre­ate or re­pair a re­la­tion­ship if he doesn’t want to.

I’m not sure why you are push­ing him to have both sets of par­ents meet. You don’t pro­vide any rea­son for your ur­gency sur­round­ing this.

Re­pair­ing a re­la­tion­ship with your mother is­more im­por­tant, if you and he are go­ing to stay to­gether. How­ever, given the up-and-down na­ture of your re­la­tion­ship, he may not see your re­la­tion­ship as last­ing long enough to make this rec­on­cil­i­a­tion nec­es­sary.

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