Chronic lateness annoys

Dear Amy: We have an ongoing problem occurring in our family. I have one daughter-in-law who is chronically late for everything. If we are supposed to be somewhere at 2, that is when she starts getting ready.

Her mother is also always late, so I know it is a learned problem.

My son has discussed this with her, but nothing has changed. Without being an interfering mother-inlaw, I would like to address this with love. Do you have any helpful suggestions for me? Prompt In-Law

Dear Prompt: In my (very prompt) family, we dealt with one chronically late member by simply starting things on time and tolerating the late family member, who basically seemed to run on a different time zone. When this family member hosted events, we turned up when she asked us to.

I believe that tolerating this while not letting it interfere too much with your own plans (and happiness) is the way to respond to this — with love. So is simply telling the truth: “Dear, you always seem to be running late. This can be hard on the rest of us. Will you try harder to be prompt for family events?”

Always take separate transportation, and accept that in this regard, she is unreliable.

I find chronic lateness disrespectful, but I also realize that it doesn’t seem to be personally directed.

I’m sure readers will weigh in with ideas for how to re-train someone who is always late.

Dear Amy: What do you think about a “meal train” that asks for meal delivery to someone who recently underwent a surgery (or had a baby)?

The “someone” in this case is a woman whose child goes to the same afterschool activity as my son. I chatted with her but do not know her well. Her friend set up a meal train for her family during the two weeks she is recovering from surgery. The signup sheet is circulated in our afterschool activity group. Each meal is supposed to cover all four family members. She has a husband and two teenage children, and they are well off.

We live in a big city where one can easily get takeout food and food delivery, so it would not be difficult for them to order their favorite food from favorite places.

I can understand if this woman indicates what she likes to eat/snack on, and friends/social groups bring a box of something for her to consume during her recovery. But a whole meal for a family of four is way too much to ask in terms of the time and work involved.

I have to admit that cooking is not my favorite activity, but I don’t want to simply ignore the signup sheet. What’s your take on this? Lost in the Kitchen

Dear Lost: When a person is indisposed, grieving, ill or has just had a baby, others often ask, “How can I help?” Cooking and delivering dinner for a family is one great way to help. Even if the family has the means and wherewithal to have food delivered, cooking and delivering a dinner from your own kitchen is a kindness.

If you want to contribute in some way without cooking, you might send a basket of teas or coffees and a package of sweets to go with them. However, you should not feel pressured to do this. You don’t have to board this particular “train,” but you shouldn’t feel put-upon by others’ efforts.