For him, it’s ‘me, me, me’

Dear Amy: My soon-to-be wife is now hesitant to marry me because I want to live elsewhere during the winter.

I’m a 30-year-old business owner and my company doesn’t really do work from Christmas to March. My fiancee and I have talked about how I will go on a three-week mountain trip in Belize, followed by a fourweek hiatus trip to Costa Rica during the frigid months.

We have decided not to have children, so we can travel and live a fun and stress-free life. I have discussed buying a house in Belize this winter.

Last night, her tone changed. She says I’m not allowed to go away longer than one month all winter.

She has her own cleaning company so she can’t leave her clients for more than a week.

So here I am, 30, on the cusp of marriage, with ambitions to retire before 40, letting her live rent- and expense-free in my house that I paid for.

So now I have to ride the couch at home all winter, or should I go and live my life? South-Bound

Dear South-Bound: You are approaching marriage singing the “Me” song: “Me, me, me, me, me”

Your thoughts of the future are all about you. You and your plans, your possessions, your property, and your sun- and fun-filled winters.

Your future wife does not get to tell you what you are “allowed” to do.

But marriage is all about compromise — and you don’t seem capable of that.

Dear Amy: Our son and his girlfriend of five years broke up a couple of months ago.

For the last 18 months our son has had a job in New York City, while the girlfriend stayed in his condo in Los Angeles.

She traveled to NYC every two or three months, and they talked to each other every morning and evening. Sometime after January, she broke off the relationship.

She refused to see our son as he arrived in L.A. hoping to discuss the relationship.

We looked upon the girlfriend as a daughter and future daughter-in-law.

She told us not to see, call or continue the relationship, although she did say that we were like second parents to her.

Are we supposed to simply forget her, or after some time should/could we contact her? Torn and Troubled in LA

Dear Torn and Troubled:

Breaking up is hard enough — but for your son and his ex, the challenge of losing an important relationship is made even harder because you parents are so dialed in, bewildered and upset. Instead of offering reassurance, you seem to be making this tough time at least partly about you and your loss.

For parents, it is definitely tough — and occasionally heartbreaking — to lose an important in-law relationship abruptly and without explanation, and yet that’s how breakups often work.

In short, you are going to have to tolerate this loss. You do not need to forget this woman who held such an important place in your family, but you do need to move on.

You dwelling on this loss does not make things easier for your son. You should respect his wishes, and — if prompted — encourage him to look ahead with optimism.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to ask amy@amydickinson.com.