Take It Offline
1 MAKE THE FIRST MOVE QUICKLY
The first message is online dating’s do-or-die moment. Why? Women initiate interactions only 8 percent of the time. So man up. The key is “to come across as an approachable, normal guy she wouldn’t mind having a drink with,” advises Talia Goldstein, CEO of matchmaking service Three Day Rule.
2 SHOW SOME EFFORT
The most unappealing chat bubble is the one containing thoughtless openers like “Hi,” “Hello, beautiful,” or a lame one-liner. A better approach: “Read her profile and establish a commonality,” says Goldstein. “Maybe you’ve traveled to the same country or have a mutual friend. She’ll scroll through and read messages that indicate you’ve read her profile.” So call out her Smiths tee or that stunning photo of Machu Picchu, or try out one of our approved openers below.
3 ASK QUESTIONS
She responded? Great. Don’t keep her waiting. Unlike standard texting, eagerness plays well in online dating. Ask her where she works or what she did this past weekend—any question that requires more than a yes or no answer. And take the conversation offline after no more than two or three days of exchanges. Say: “I hate chatting on this app—here’s my number.” She’ll likely send hers.
4 TAKE CHARGE
Ask her out within 24 hours, or she’ll lose interest. The plans don’t have to be for tomorrow, but get something on the books for the near future. “Always go to her hood for the first date,” Goldstein says. “And give her options: one fancy, one casual. She’ll love that you’re taking charge.” Don’t text until the day before. Remind her you exist, but don’t be needy. Anticipation is key.
SO THERE’S A MATCH. SHE SEEMS ATTRACTIVE AND INTERESTING AND DOESN’T APPEAR TO BE A SEXUALIZED SPAMBOT. FOLLOW THESE FOUR STEPS TO GET FROM PHONE TO FACE-TO-FACE.