The hottest characters on the new ‘Twin Peaks’
Both Dale Coopers can get it.
The new “Twin Peaks” has arrived, and the residents are looking damn fine 25 years later. Lynch’s new take brings with it a whole new level of bizarre — and no shortage of eye candy. Based on who we’ve encountered so far in the first two episodes, here’s who’s still got it from the returning cast, and who’s looking fresh among the new arrivals. (Spoiler: not Matthew Lillard.)
Dale Cooper #1 (Kyle MacLachlan)
We’ll call him “Good Cooper,” the FBI agent we know and cherish, with boyish good looks and equal passions for cherry pie and the truth. He’s currently trapped in the Black Lodge, being a pretty good sport about having to contend with bizarro versions of Laura Palmer, the onearmed man and even a deranged, sentient tree, while his BOB-possessed doppelganger wreaks havoc in the real world. We hope he gets out soon. In the meantime, just look at those kind eyes, that lovely head of hair, that chin!
Dale Cooper #2 (MacLachlan)
Bad Cooper! We’re pleased that Dale’s Bobpossessed doppelganger is more badass than scary, because we’re not sure we could handle the latter. Bad Coop is a lowlife con man with bottomless black eyes, shaggy hair, a ’70s era leather jacket — and just enough sex appeal. We’re pretty sure MacLachlan is wearing bronzer. (Yes, he’s slightly caricatured, but we’re here for it.) We’re ready for Good Coop’s emancipation from red-roomed hell, but we’ll gladly watch his villainous version strut around, seduce and set fire to everything in his path.
Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee)
The show’s central victim has returned, and while we can’t say for sure what or who she is now (“I died, yet I live,” she tells Cooper, in that slow motion, Black Lodge affect, sashaying across the patterned floor) we’re happy to lay eyes on her again, this time, not wrapped in plastic. Lee a quarter century later is still a looker, and we didn’t realize how satisfying it’d be to see her lean over and plant a kiss on Cooper’s lips, before ascending with a witchlike wail, possibly swallowed up by the red curtains forever. Long live Laura Palmer.
Deputy Hawk (Michael Horse)
What a silver … hawk. Deputy Tommy “Hawk” Hill was fine as hell in the original “Twin Peaks,” and we’re pleased to report he looks exactly the same, dangly earrings and all, except now he’s rocking an exquisite silver mane. He fields calls from the Log Lady, who tells him “something’s missing,” and roams the woods, using his Native American instincts to try and find it. Go, Hawk, go.
Shelly Johnson, (Madchen Amick)
Grown-up diner girl Shelly Johnson is now a total MILF. We catch her throwing back shots with her gal pals at the Roadhouse, while James (James David Greenblatt) — still creepy and annoying — can’t take his eyes off her from across the room. Where’s Bobby? We like the idea of Shelly single and free of dirtbags Leo and Bobby who both dragged her down in her early years. Free Shelly! And James, get a life.