When it seems like ev­ery­body you know is hav­ing new ad­ven­tures

Miami Herald - - Sports - BY CAROLYN HAX tellme@wash­post.com

Dear Carolyn: I live in D.C. I like it here. My hus­band and I are both gain­fully em­ployed — not our dream jobs, but jobs that are more good than bad — my fam­ily is here, I bought an apart­ment in a neigh­bor­hood I en­joy.

Now, five years out of un­der­grad, my D.C. friends have all moved away from D.C.

I al­ways heard this was a tran­sient city but now I am re­ally feel­ing it. My friends and their sig­nif­i­cant oth­ers are off to new jobs, new com­mutes, new ad­ven­tures. I am still here, do­ing pretty much ex­actly what I have been do­ing since col­lege. And — I like it! But I am miss­ing my com­mu­nity and con­nec­tion, and also feel­ing like the last one at the fair. It makes me feel lame or bor­ing for not hav­ing a more dy­namic ex­is­tence or new “news” to share.

I’ve never thought you should move to chase friends — move be­cause you gen­uinely like the place you are mov­ing to and the things you are do­ing there. But maybe that idea is mis­guided?

Any ad­vice for this strange tran­si­tory time?

— Last One at the Fair

Last One at the Fair: See your­self as be­ing first at the next fair. Tran­sience means peo­ple you care about move away, yes, but it also means new peo­ple are con­stantly ar­riv­ing, hop­ing their new neigh­bor­hood will be friendly.

Your com­mu­ni­ties and con­nec­tions will grow back if you nur­ture them with ef­fort and with the en­ergy of lik­ing your neigh­bor­hood enough to show its new peo­ple around. It won’t all go to waste when these peo­ple be­come the next to leave. D.C. is tran­sient but be­ing in one’s 20s is more so, I’d ar­gue — so the more time you spend in any given place, the more you’ll no­tice there’s a pop­u­la­tion that comes and goes, and a pop­u­la­tion that stays put. If the churn re­ally both­ers you, then do some re­search and find a neigh­bor­hood that has lower than usual turnover.

Mean­while, there are other ways not to be bor­ing than to move away from a place you en­joy — like learn­ing and do­ing new things, and hav­ing ad­ven­tures that bring you back home at the end.

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