Miami Herald

Sunny per­son­al­ity turns dark af­ter loss

- JEANNE PHILLIPS Con­tact Dear Abby at www. Dear­ or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. Mental Health · Health Conditions · Relationships · Sex · Family · Relationships & Sex · Missouri

Dear Abby: My hus­band and I suf­fered a mis­car­riage five months ago, in the 12th week. I’m still not do­ing well. I have put on a fa­cade to get by, but I’m just start­ing to re­al­ize how deeply this is af­fect­ing my life.

I used to be a happy, friendly per­son. Al­ways a smile on my face and laugh­ter to be shared and hugs for my loved ones. Since the mis­car­riage, I put on a fake smile and try to be who I once was, but I can’t keep do­ing it. Ev­ery day there is a mo­ment from that day or the af­ter­math that floods my mind. I’m an­gry, bit­ter, mad at the un­fair­ness, and I no longer have com­pas­sion or sym­pa­thy for oth­ers.

This isn’t me. I don’t want to be this way. My hap­pi­ness has been re­placed with tears and sad­ness. The hope­ful­ness is re­placed by empti­ness. I’m very lost, and I don’t know how to get out of this funk.

I no longer want to try to get preg­nant again be­cause the fear of the phys­i­cal and emo­tional pain of an­other mis­car­riage has me par­a­lyzed. Any ad­vice you might give would be greatly ap­pre­ci­ated. — Bro­ken in Mis­souri

Dear Bro­ken: Please ac­cept my sym­pa­thy for the loss of your child. Your de­pres­sion and the fear you have about an­other preg­nancy are not un­usual af­ter a tragedy like the one you have ex­pe­ri­enced. You are griev­ing, and the emo­tions you are feel­ing are to be ex­pected.

Please sched­ule an ap­point­ment with your OB/ GYN and tell your doc­tor about all of these feel­ings, be­cause the doc­tor can re­fer you to some­one who can help you work through this. It will take time, but I as­sure you it is doable.

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