That Word Doesn’t Mean What You Think

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In early Au­gust, Vo­lu­sia County Beach Safety of­fi­cers in Florida ban­ished 73-year-old Richard G. Basaraba of Day­tona Beach from all county beaches af­ter it was dis­cov­ered he was hand­ing out busi­ness cards to young women, read­ing “Su­gar­daddy seek­ing his sug­arbaby.” The mother of a 16- year- old said he ap­proached a group of girls with his cards and con­tin­ued to speak with the mi­nor girl even af­ter she told him her age. He also pro­duced a bra pad­ding, telling the girls he was “look­ing for some­one who would fill it.” He told the 16-year-old she “would be per­fect.”

I n a s hock­ing dis­play of mis­chief, an un­named 60-year-old man in Singapore is un­der in­ves­ti­ga­tion for lodg­ing three tooth­picks in a seat on a pub­lic bus in July. If he is found to be the cul­prit, he could spend up to two years in prison. Singapore has an ex­tremely low crime rate, and even mi­nor of­fenses re­sult in harsh pun­ish­ments. For ex­am­ple, van­dal­ism is pun­ish­able by can­ing. Po­lice said at press time that the in- ves­ti­ga­tion was con­tin­u­ing.

Prac­tic­ing physi­cians in Cairo, Egypt, opened a surgery-themed restau­rant called D.Kebda in July, where they wear sur­gi­cal scrubs and pre­pare their only of­fer­ing, grilled beef-liver sand­wiches, be­hind a glass par­ti­tion. Kebda is a pop­u­lar street food in Egypt, but it can cause food poi­son­ing if not pre­pared care­fully. “We tried to take our ca­reer val­ues and ap­ply Mostafa Ba­siouny, one of the own­ers. “There is no con­tra- dic­tion be­tween them; we are still prac­tic­ing doc­tors.”

On Aug. 7, 16-year-old Jack Berge­son of Wi­chita, Kansas, filed pa­pers in Topeka to run for gover­nor as a Demo­crat in the 2018 race. Berge­son, who won’t be able to vote in that elec­tion, said: “I thought, you know, let’s give the peo­ple of Kansas a chance. Let’s try some­thing new.” The can­di­date says he would “rad­i­cally change” health care and would sup­port le­gal­iz­ing med­i­cal marijuana, but he’s con­ser­va­tive on gun rights. Bryan Caskey, di­rec­tor of elec­tions at the Kansas sec­re­tary of state’s of­fice, said there is no law gov­ern­ing the qual­i­fi­ca­tions for gover­nor. Berge­son’s run­ning mate, 17-year-old Alexan­der Cline, will be 18 by the elec­tion and will get to vote.

A skunk got up close and per­sonal with a 13- yearold boy on July 25 when it climbed into his bed in Ham­den, Con­necti­cut, ap­par­ently af­ter hitch­hik­ing into the house in a trash can. The fam­ily was able to re­move the skunk without the help of the Ham­den An­i­mal Con­trol the “smell of skunk ... em­anated through­out the house.”

The Scardillo Cheese fac­tory in Burn­aby, Bri­tish Columbia, Canada, has a squir­rel to blame for a fire that re­sulted in more than 20,000 gal­lons of milk be­ing spoiled on Aug. 8. The squir­rel chewed through a main power line on the out­side of the build­ing, which sparked be re­stored for 12 hours. Al­ready-made cheese was kept cool with gen­er­a­tors, but milk be­ing read­ied to make cheese warmed and went bad.

Crim­i­nal jus­tice stu­dent Jor­dan Dins­more, 20, of Columbia, South Carolina, had her car’s man­ual trans­mis­sion to thank for her safe es­cape on July 26. Three men ap­proached her around 1 a.m. and pointed a gun at her. Af­ter rob­bing her of her phone and purse, the men forced her into her car, threat­en­ing to kid­nap and rape her, but when t hey re­al­ized none of them knew how to drive her stick-shift car, one of the crim­i­nals ran away. The other two forced Dins­more to drive to an ATM to with­draw cash. As she drove, Dins­more re­moved her seat­belt, then put the car in neu­tral and jumped out, scream­ing, “Call 911! Call 911!” to pass­ing mo­torists. The Rich­land County Sher­iff’s Depart­ment ar­rested a 15-year-old and a 17-year-old in the kid­nap­ping and rob­bery.

Sur­veil­lance video from a July 27 break-in at the home of John C. Burbage, 59, of Naples, Florida, showed a sur­pris­ingly fa­mil­iar pict ure of t he per­pe­tra­tors: Harold Rus­sell Lan­ham, 22, and his dad, James Ed­ward Lan­ham, 41, both of whom Burbage em­ployed and both of whom were wear­ing their work uni­forms. The Lan­ham duo stole a safe con­tain­ing more than $30,000 worth of cash and prop­erty from their boss’s home.

Res­i­dents of Hol­lis, Maine, were un­nerved on the evening of July 25 as Corey Berry, 31, wear­ing a clown mask, walked around town with a ma­chete duct-taped to the place where his arm had been am­pu­tated. When Berry, in­tox­i­cated, was taken into cus­tody in nearby Wa­ter that he was copy­ing other clown sight­ings as a prank on a friend. Kar­men LePage of Hol­lis warned: “He’s not funny. We live in the woods; you t hink we don’t have guns? He’s ... lucky.”

The South Carolina Emer­gency Man­age­ment Di­vi­sion is­sued an alert on Aug. 9 in ad­vance of the to­tal so­lar eclipse on Aug. 21 ask­ing South Carolini­ans t o be “vig­i­lant” and look out for Lizard­men dur­ing the ce­les­tial event. “SCEMD does not know if Lizard­men be­come

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