The Gym Reaper And Ladies Who Hunch
This annoying guy at my gym keeps asking me out. I’m always polite, saying, “Would love to, but sorry, I’m really busy.” And then I move to another part of the gym. I’d go at a different time, but unfortunately, he’s always there in the hours I can work out. What should I say so he gets the hint and leaves me alone? —
There are people — some of them men — who won’t take no for an answer. But you haven’t tried no — or any of the variations: “Nuh-uh,” “Are you crazy?” or “The only way you’re ever getting into my pants is if you’re trying on la- dies clothing at Goodwill.”
Women have a tendency to be hinty and indirect in telling a guy they aren’t interested. As personal security expert Gavin de Becker puts it in The Gift of Fear: “Rejecting women often say less than they mean,” and “men often hear less than what is said.”
Research by evolutionary psychologists Martie Haselton and David Buss suggests that men evolved to be poor guessers about women’s sexual interest in them — erring on the side of assuming a woman’s interested when they have no definitive sign that she isn’t. As Buss explains, the likely perception bias,” leads men “to believe that a woman is sexually interested in them in response to ambiguous cues such as a smile or going to a bar alone,” and thus functions to keep men from “missing sexual opportunities.”
You don’t have to be cruel, but something a little more hope-crushing than “I’d love to” would be a start. Saying you’re “busy” doesn’t cut it, as it suggests that all that’s keeping the guy from getting into your lady-business are
The most effective rejection is direct — like this one I suggested in Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck: “Thanks so much. I’m really flattered, but I’m sorry to say that I’m just not interested.” It suggests that you believe the person you’re rejecting has some merits, as opposed to what may actually be the truth: “I would rather be pecked to death by angry hens than have sex with you.”
This hot guy I met online lied about his height. We got together, and I’m like 3 inches taller than he is. That doesn’t bother me, but I’m worried that his height is a source of insecurity for him (since he lied about it on his —
You can’t always find your one and only, but you can sometimes find your three-quarters and only. While there are breast men, leg men, butt men, and even toe men, in female preferences for men’s appearance, across cultures, there’s one thing that really matters, and it’s height. (Guilty: I’ve joked about getting one of those amusement park signs to post over my bed, “Must be this tall to ride this ride.”)
Research by evolutionary social psychologist Gert Stulp suggests that women, in gen be taller than the man they’re with and prefer to be substantially shorter (ideally a whole 8 inches shorter; so, say, 5-foot6 to a man’s 6-foot-2). As for why women evolved to prefer taller men, though being tall doesn’t always mean being stronger (and thus better able to protect a woman), tallness points to physical health.
However, a short man isn’t necessarily short on selfworth. According to Stulp and his colleagues, shorter men’s dissatisfaction with their height seem linked to the general preference by women for taller men.
This makes sense, considering how bad it feels to know all that attractive. But since that isn’t a problem here, let him know. And you might also keep in mind that good things do, as they say, “come in small packages”: gum, Shetland ponies … and, hey, Ron Jeremy is a short dude. (Uh, not all over.)