It’s A Loathe Story, Baby, Just Say Yes
My boyfriend who dumped me says he wants to be friends (talk to me, see me sometimes), but I’m not ready for that because I’m still in love with him. A female coworker said that if he can be friends, he was never in love with me to begin with — that if he’d really loved me, he’d hate me now. Is this true? —
According to your office Socrates, “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways” should be answered with “I slashed your tires. I sprinkled a strong laxative in your latte. And I’m looking forward to chasing you down the street while waving highly realistic replicas of scary medieval weapons…”
Romantic love actually sionate” and “companionate” Elaine Hatfield. Passionate tional,” lusty kind that wanes over time. Companionate love, on the other hand, involves “friendly affection and deep ciation for who somebody is and what they do and believe staying power.
The difference between the two is best illustrated in relation to what we’ll call “car trouble.” Passionate love is what leads to the physics problem of how to have sex in a Porsche in your side and doing it in the foyer instead would take too long). Companionate love likewise gets two people working out a physics problem in a car; intelligence required to install an infant car seat.
Companionate love does sometimes lead to “I hate you! but typically just when there’s been a betrayal. But sometimes what people call love is really an unhealthy dependency with one person using the other as a empty spaces in themselves so they can take a shortcut to feeling whole.
However, real love doesn’t suddenly curdle into hate. If the respect and the “wow, you’re an amazeballs person” and all the rest was there, that remains lationship tanks. Even so, this doesn’t necessarily mean you should convert your ex into your BFF. What you should do works for you, when it works for you. This may mean never seeing or speaking to your ex comes hate!” urging from your scolding phone call: “If you’d ever really loved me, you’d the best undetectable poison money can buy!”
Not to brag, but I’m a very intelligent woman with probably too many degrees. I’m always thrilled when a guy says he’s seeking “a smart woman.” However, a guy who initially said that just stopped dating me because he finds my intelligence “emasculating.” Do all men feel this way? Am I supposed to dumb it down to find a partner? —
Men don’t mind being corrected by a woman if it’s “Oooh, yes … a little more to meant ‘whom.’”
tually average women tend to partner. In research by social psychologist Lora E. Park, ligence. However, when they were in the same room with a woman and they were told she scored far better on a math test sus their 60 percent), the men were less interested in planning a date with her.
Park and her colleagues evolutionary psychologists performed” by women leads ished feelings of masculinity.” ing quite ignites romance like needing to coax your date out from under the couch: “Why are you hiding? I promised not to hurt you with my mind!”)
The answer for you, as a very smart woman, isn’t lective about the men you date (while recognizing that there are brainiacs working as, say, cabinetmakers). Assuming you aren’t chasing guys away by lording over them, it’s probably best to narrow your ly intelligent: men who won’t feel like their IQ test results, in comparison with yours, would read something like “Water every other day, and place in indirect sunlight.”