For­get SARS and bird flu. What about the zom­bies?!

Modern Healthcare - - Outliers -

It’s likely that fu­ture gen­er­a­tions will re­mem­ber Dr. Ali Khan as not only a rear ad­mi­ral and an as­sis­tant sur­geon gen­eral, but also the first fed­eral of­fi­cial to an­swer the ques­tion: “How do I pre­pare for a zom­bie apoca­lypse?”

In a May 16 blog post (bit.ly/lweXhd) on the web­site of the Cen­ters for Disease Con­trol and Preven­tion ti­tled “Pre­pared­ness 101: Zom­bie apoca­lypse,” Khan de­tailed the hor­ri­fy­ing facts: His fa­vorite zom­bie movie is “Res­i­dent Evil.” It is help­ful to cre­ate an emer­gency kit with ba­sic sup­plies. Pre­par­ing for a zom­bie apoca­lypse can help peo­ple pre­pare for “real emer­gen­cies.” Oh, like zom­bies aren’t a real emer­gency! Among his sug­ges­tions for your emer­gency plan: “Iden­tify your emer­gency con­tacts. Make a list of lo­cal con­tacts like the po­lice, fire depart­ment and your lo­cal zom­bie re­sponse team.”

Khan also laid out the CDC’s likely fu­tile ef­forts to con­tain an in­fes­ta­tion of the dan­ger­ously un­dead and his own self­less plans in such an event.

“Not only would sci­en­tists be work­ing to iden­tify the cause and cure of the zom­bie out­break, but CDC and other fed­eral agen­cies would send med­i­cal teams and first re­spon­ders to help those in af­fected ar­eas (I will be vol­un­teer­ing the young name­less disease de­tec­tives for the field work),” he wrote.

Alas, Khan’s words of warn­ing quickly faded in of­fi­cial Wash­ing­ton as ev­i­denced by a Se­nate Health, Ed­u­ca­tion, La­bor and Pen­sion Com­mit­tee hear­ing the next day on “Strength­en­ing Med­i­cal and Pub­lic Health Pre­pared­ness and Re­sponse” that never even men­tioned zom­bies.

But some­one no­ticed. Last week, the blog site was crash­ing in­ter­mit­tently be­cause too many peo­ple were try­ing to read the post. Or was it the zom­bies?

Must ... eat ... brains.

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