MET GALA WILL BE A LOT OF NUN-SENSE

Just because you’re a fancy and celebrated literary type doesn’t mean you’re not a slimebag. Take author Junot Diaz, who withdrew from a writers festival in Australia after author Zinzi Clemmons confronted him about assaulting her when she was a student six years earlier.

And in other literary slime, the Nobel Prize in literature will not be awarded this year because Jean-Claude Arnault, a 71-year-old photographer, accused of sexual assault, is married to Katarina Frostenson, a member of the Nobel-issuing Swedish Academy. This is like killing the horse the bandit rode in on.

Ironically Phillip Roth, whose novels often feature misogynistic men and sex fantasies with caricature women was favored to win the Nobel this year. BACKGRID

Ashley Graham has just given me a reason to live – or at least a reason to sport a swimsuit without covering it with a shmata the size of a circus tent. Very plus-size model Graham (photo) did the unthinkable and released a campaign for the Swimsuits for All brand without any Photoshopping of either herself, her mom who looks 15, or the other swimsuit models who have bodies like the rest of us and not like supermodel space aliens. And hooray! These pics are not like those earthshattering unretouched photos of Cindy Crawford, which were supposed to be so daring because they showed her cellulite. Really? I have more cellulite on my ears than she has on her whole body. Graham, on the other hand, has a lot of what makes us women: cellulite, big hips and breasts. In fact, cellulite (aka orange peel thighs), which horrible women’s mags made us so ashamed of having, is actually a sign that we’ve got estrogen. You know, the female hormone responsible for secondary sexual characteristics, like breasts, pubic and armpit hair, the regulation of the menstrual cycle and reproductive system. Hey wait, aren’t those some of Monday, the Metropolitan Museum of Art will host its annual costume fashion gala, traditionally in which movie stars and half-ass celebs come with their asses half out. This year’s theme? “Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination.” No, I swear to God it’s true. Can’t wait to see all the stripper nun and pimp Pope duds they’ll show up in to honor Catholicism and its great influence on fashion. Not. Amal Clooney, Rihanna, Donatella Versace and Anna Wintour are hosting the festivities.