Bridge

I got to the club as a penny game broke up.

“At the start,” a kibitzer told me, “Grapefruit announced that he had mellowed. He said, ‘I’m not going to judge any of you, just point out your mistakes.’“

Grapefruit was today’s North. At four hearts South won the first spade, drew trumps and led a club to dummy’s king. He gave up a spade, ruffed the next spade and led another club. West won and led his last spade, and South ruffed but lost two diamonds. Down one.

“I won’t say you’re so slow you would take an hour to cook Minute Rice,” Grapefruit sniffed at South, “but your play was dumb.”

South can duck the first spade, win the next spade, ruff a spade, draw trumps and lead a club. West must duck, so South wins in dummy and ruffs the last spade. When he leads a second club, West wins but can only cash the ace of diamonds.

“After Grapefruit faulted his partner,” the kibitzer said, “he wasn’t done. He informed West that he should have doubled four hearts!”