Prom dress season brings visions of bowling teams and peplums
Any conversation that includes the word “peplum” I know is going to be well beyond my reach.
In addition to pitchers and catchers reporting this month, it’s apparently Shopping for Prom Dress Season as well, where moms and daughters report early to places like the Limerick outlet mall to warm up their credit card arms in preparation for the spring prom season.
I didn’t know there was such a season. But I am a typical guy in these matters and it’s generally accepted WKDW , wRuOGn’W EH DEOH finG my hind end with both hands when it comes to the details surrounding anything to do with prom dresses. In fact, I care more about the suits — RU PRUH VSHFLfiFDOOy WKH jamokes inside the suits and their intentions toward the young female in my household — than I do about the prom dress itself.
Fortunately, I was not re- quired to attend the most recent dress-shopping excursion, especially when there were more pressing matters, like reporting to Knuckleball Sports Cards in Horsham on a Sunday afternoon to sit around looking at old ballcards and kibitzing with owner Steve MacKenzie and the collection of cronies that he has assembled who have already worked themselves into midseason form when it comes to hurling goodnatured insults at each other.
Dodging the actual shopping trip this time, however, did not exclude me from being presented with the Official Shopping Report when the shoppers returned from their successful expedition. It’s like a scouting report of the day’s activities, and I can’t put into words how enjoyable these reports make my entire day. Although I don’t think I was expected to take notes, I did so nonetheless, just in case there’s a test on the material somewhere down the road.
So I listened intently — or at least tried to make it look like I was doing so — and learned about the “peplum,” something called a “ruched gathering” and a part of the dress that is “beaded on the bodice.” (By the way, Beaded on the Bodice would be a cool name for a band or a bowling team. Just imagine the swell shirts the Beaded on the Bodice Bowling Team would have.)
So when Daughter of Blonde Accountant made the big reveal as to the prom dress that was purchased, I nodded and shook my head approvingly while tossing is a few “oohs” and “ahhhs.” Then I shook Py fiVW PHnDFLnJOy toward no one in particular while grousing, “This dress better cover up all the parts it needs to cover up!” Right out of the Dads of Daughters playbook. I am redundantly consistent when it FRPHV WR VKDNLnJ Py fiVW DW VRPHWKLnJ WKDW nHHGV D fiVW shaking.
“You know, the taupe lace overlay needs a little tailoring,” said The Blonde Accountant as she surveyed the dress.
“Uh … ya, sure. Huh? What?” I countered.
“It’s ruched and has a peplum,” she added.
“What the heck is a peplum?” I said, thinking it might be some sort of dental term.
“,W’V D OLWWOH SRRfiH SLHFH right around the waist,” she said, like she expected me to know that.
So I wrote that down, because I just know that’s going to come back at me sometime when I least expect it.
Later on, I went to the dictionary because I actually wanted to see if the offiFLDO GHfinLWLRn RI WKH wRUG “peplum” included the wRUG “SRRfiH.” , DP KDSSy to report that it does not inFOuGH WKH wRUG “SRRfiH,” but it does include the word “flRunFH,” VR , KDYH UHDOOy not advanced my knowledge when it comes to this word. I’m certainly going to have trouble on the test with this one.
Another detail of the dress that momentarily bamboozled me was the fact that it is considered strapless, yet it has what looks to be two spaghetti straps on it.
“I thought you said it was strapless,” I said, wondering as the words were coming out of my mouth if I should have just done what I do best, which is just shut up and nod my head. “It is,” she said. “Then what do you call those little straps?” I asked.
“I call them annoying,” she countered.
Oh. More technical fashion terminology, I see. I could have advanced the conversation into a “Who’s on First” direction, but I’ve been around long enough to know better than to do that. (By the way, the little straps are designed so the dress can be hung on a hanger, then just tucked in when it comes time to wear the dress. I am not aware of any item of men’s clothing that has something comparable to that.)
So, we’ve got the dress, now all we need is a prom date. I am not sure yet which Knucklehead in Waiting it’s going to be, but he’d better be a kegler (that’s bowling lingo).
He doesn’t know it yet, but there could be a really fancy bowling shirt in his future.
Mike Morsch is executive editor of Montgomery Media and author of the book, “Dancing in My Underwear: The Soundtrack of My Life.” He can be reached by calling 215-542-0200, ext. 415 or by email at msquared35@ yahoo.com. This column can also be found at www.montgomerynews.com.