Mix­ing cologne and a coun­try star smells like a good time

North Penn Life - - DATEBOOK -

Ev­ery five years or so, Wynonna gets a whiff of me, whether she likes it or not. And the jury is still out on her lat­est whiff.

You see, Wynonna Judd — coun­try mu­sic star — has be­come the de facto go-to fe­male judge of The Blonde Ac­coun­tant’s taste in men’s cologne. The only prob­lem with this is that Wynonna has ab­so­lutely no idea she is part of the equa­tion.

It all started when I first in­ter­viewed Wynonna for a hol­i­day show she was per­form­ing at the Keswick The­atre in Glen­side in De­cem­ber 2007.

We had a nice con­ver­sa­tion, and Wynonna was a great in­ter­view. She’s as hon­est as any­one I’ve in­ter­viewed and she doesn’t dodge any ques­tion. At the end of our con­ver­sa­tion, she in­vited The Blonde Ac­coun­tant and me back­stage to meet her be­fore the show.

That evening, TBA and I were in the mas­ter bath­room get­ting all gussied up to go see Wynonna. We had been mar­ried only a few months at that point, and she had cho­sen a cologne — Curve — that she liked me to wear. Now, I’m not a big cologne guy, but it is ap­par­ently an in­te­gral part of the gussyin­gup ex­pe­ri­ence for a Wynonna concert.

As I reached for the bot­tle of cologne, The Blonde Ac­coun­tant’s eyes glared at me in the bath­room mir­ror. My im­me­di­ate re­ac­tion, as a newly mar­ried fel­low, was . . . “I’m putting this cologne on for you and not Wynonna!” I didn’t want her — or Wynonna — to get the wrong idea.

Well, that wasn’t what she was think­ing at all. She was won­der­ing if I was go­ing to at­tend to some un­ruly nose hair prior to the big meet­ing with Wynonna. Nose hair main­te­nance, as I’ve learned over the years, is an­other in­te­gral part of the gussy­ing-up ex­pe­ri­ence. I wouldn’t want Wynonna to take one look at me and say, “Hey there cow­boy, you plan on las­so­ing up some of that nose hair non­sense any­time soon?”

The whole cologne-forWynonna story turned into a col­umn in 2007, and over the past five years, it’s be­come a run­ning “cologne gag” in our house. I am such an in­fre­quent cologne user — in fact, I’m still work­ing off the orig­i­nal bot­tle of Curve my wife bought me five years ago — that ev­ery time I do reach for a spritz, The Blonde Ac­coun­tant will say, “What? You see­ing Wynonna tonight?” And then we both yuck it up.

The whole cologne story even­tu­ally ended up be­ing the hook for a chap­ter on Wynonna in my new book (Shame­less Pro­mo­tion Alert!) “Danc­ing in My Un­der­wear: The Sound­track of My Life.”

So when Wynonna and her band, The Big Noise, ap­peared once again at the Keswick The­atre last week, I had an­other op­por­tu­nity to in­ter­view her to pre­view the show. At the end of the in­ter­view, I shared with her the cologne story and the fact that she was part of my book. I was hum­bled when she asked if I would give her a copy af­ter the show that evening.

As grat­i­fy­ing as that was, what I re­ally wanted to know was if Wynonna ac­tu­ally liked my cologne. Nat­u­rally, I splashed on a whole boat­load of smell-good be­fore the show that evening, wait­ing for the now in­evitable “are you see­ing Wynonna tonight” com­ment from The Blonde Ac­coun­tant. For the first time in five years, I could ac­tu­ally an­swer, “Well, now that you men­tion it …”

But fam­ily cir­cum­stances dic­tated that I was go­ing solo to the concert that evening, a fact that did not please The Blonde Ac­coun­tant.

“Wynonna is pretty good­look­ing, and I’m not sure I want you to get close enough for her to smell your cologne,” said TBA.

Hey, my rea­son for want­ing to get close to Wynonna was purely for the cre­ative col­umn-writ­ing pos­si­bil­i­ties that the cologne story might pro­vide. I wasn’t putting on the cologne for Wynonna be­cause she’s an at­trac­tive red­head with a big-time voice. Re­ally.

I wish I could re­port that the end of the story was as fun as the lead up to it. Wynonna put on a great show and I did get to meet her after­wards and give her a copy of my book. In fact, she gave me a hug, which means she was in­deed close enough to me to get a good whiff of my cologne.

But she didn’t say one way or the other whether she liked the scent. We didn’t have much time to­gether at the meet-and-greet, and re­ally, just how does one ap­proach a big star and say some­thing like, “Hey Wynonna, would you smell my neck?” I be­lieve the first word out her mouth would have been “Se­cu­rity!”

Guess I’ll have to wait an­other five years to get close enough to Wynonna for her to val­i­date The Blonde Ac­coun­tant’s pref­er­ence in men’s cologne.

I’m guess­ing I’ll still be work­ing off the orig­i­nal bot­tle of Curve.

Mike Morsch is ex­ec­u­tive ed­i­tor of Mont­gomery Me­dia and au­thor of the book, “Danc­ing in My Un­der­wear: The Sound­track of My Life.” He can be reached by call­ing 215-542-0200, ext. 415 or by email at msquared35@ ya­hoo.com. This col­umn can also be found at www.mont­gomerynews.com.

Mike and Wynonna at the Keswick The­atre

Outta Left­field Mike Morsch

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