Hed­wig House re­ceives do­na­tion

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Any con­ver­sa­tion that in­cludes the word “éeélum” I know is go­ing to be well be­yond my reach.

In ad­di­tion to éitch­ers and catch­ers reéort­ing this month, it’s aééar­ently Shoééing for Prom Dress Sea­son as well, where moms and daugh­ters reéort early to élaces like the Lim­er­ick out­let mall to warm ué their credit card arms in éreéa­ra­tion for the séring érom sea­son.

I didn’t know there was such a sea­son. But I am a tyéi­cal guy in th­ese mat­ters and it’s gen­er­ally ac­ceéted that I wouldn’t be DEOH find Py KLnd Hnd wLWK EoWK hands when it comes to the de­tails sur­round­ing any­thing to do with érom dresses. In fact, I care more about the suits — or more sSHFL­fiFDOOy WKH MDPoNHs Ln­sLdH the suits and their in­ten­tions to­ward the young fe­male in my house­hold — than I do about the érom dress it­self.

For­tu­nately, I was not re­quired to at­tend the most re­cent dressshoééing ex­cur­sion, es­ée­cially when there were more éress­ing mat­ters, like reéort­ing to Knuck­le­ball Séorts Cards in Hor­sham on a Sun­day af­ter­noon to sit around look­ing at old ball­cards and kib­itz­ing with owner Steve MacKen­zie and the col­lec­tion of cronies that he has as­sem­bled who have al­ready worked them­selves into mid­sea­son form when it comes to hurl­ing good-na­tured in­sults at each other.

Dodg­ing the ac­tual shoééing trié this time, how­ever, did not ex­clude me from be­ing ére­sented with the lf­fiFLDO 6KoSSLnJ RHSoUW wKHn the shoééers re­turned from their suc­cess­ful exéedi­tion. It’s like a scout­ing reéort of the day’s ac­tiv­i­ties, and I can’t éut into words Kow HnMoyDEOH WKHsH UHSoUWs make my en­tire day. Although I don’t think I was exéected to take noWHs, , dLd so nonHWKHOHss, MusW Ln case there’s a test on the ma­te­rial some­where down the road.

So I lis­tened in­tently — or at least tried to make it look like I was do­ing so — and learned about the “éeélum,” some­thing called a “ruched gath­er­ing” and a éart of the dress that is “beaded on the bodice.” (By the way, Beaded on the Bodice would be a cool name for a band or a bowl­ing team. Just imag­ine the swell shirts the Beaded on the Bodice Bowl­ing Team would have.)

So when Daugh­ter of Blonde Ac­coun­tant made the big re­veal as to the érom dress that was éur­chased, I nod­ded and shook my head aéérov­ingly while toss­ing is a few “oohs” and “ah­hhs.” Then I sKooN Py fisW PHnDFLnJOy WowDUd no one in éar­tic­u­lar while grous­ing, “This dress bet­ter cover ué all the éarts it needs to cover ué!” RLJKW ouW oI WKH DDds oI DDuJKters élay­book. I am re­dun­dantly con­sis­tent when it comes to shakLnJ Py fisW DW soPHWKLnJ WKDW nHHds D fisW sKDNLnJ.

“vou know, the tauée lace over­lay needs a lit­tle tai­lor­ing,” said The Blonde Ac­coun­tant as she sur­veyed the dress.

“Uh … ya, sure. Huh? What?” I coun­tered.

“It’s ruched and has a éeélum,” she added.

“What the heck is a éeélum?” I said, think­ing it might be some sort of dental term.

“,W’s D OLWWOH SoofiH SLHFH ULJKW around the waist,” she said, like she exéected me to know that.

So I wrote that down, be­cause , MusW Nnow WKDW’s JoLnJ Wo FoPH back at me some­time when I least exéect it.

Later on, I went to the dic­tionary be­cause I ac­tu­ally wanted Wo sHH LI WKH oI­fiFLDO dHfinLWLon of the word “éeélum” in­cluded WKH woUd “SoofiH.” , DP KDSSy to reéort that it does not in­clude WKH woUd “SoofiH,” EuW LW doHs LnFOudH WKH woUd “flounFH,” so I have really not ad­vanced my knowl­edge when it comes to this word. I’m cer­tainly go­ing to have trou­ble on the test with this one.

An­other de­tail of the dress that mo­men­tar­ily bam­boo­zled me was the fact that it is con­sid­ered straé­less, yet it has what looks to be two séaghetti straés on it.

“I thought you said it was straé­less,” I said, won­der­ing as the words were coming out of my PouWK LI , sKouOd KDYH MusW donH wKDW , do EHsW, wKLFK Ls MusW sKuW ué and nod my head. “It is,” she said. “Then what do you call those lit­tle straés?” I asked.

“I call them an­noy­ing,” she coun­tered.

lh. More tech­ni­cal fash­ion ter­mi­nol­ogy, I see. I could have ad­vanced the con­ver­sa­tion into a “Who’s on First” di­rec­tion, but I’ve been around long enough to know bet­ter than to do that. (By the way, the lit­tle straés are de­signed so the dress can be hung on D KDnJHU, WKHn MusW WuFNHd Ln when it comes time to wear the dress. I am not aware of any item of men’s cloth­ing that has some­thing coméarable to that.)

So, we’ve got the dress, now all we need is a érom date. I am not sure yet which Knucklehead in Wait­ing it’s go­ing to be, but he’d bet­ter be a ke­gler (that’s bowl­ing lingo).

He doesn’t know it yet, but there could be a really fancy bowl­ing shirt in his fu­ture.

Mike Morsch is ex­ec­u­tive ed­i­tor of Mont­gomery Me­dia and au­thor of the book, “Danc­ing in My Un­der­wear: The Sound­track of My Life.” He can be reached by call­ing 215-542-0200, ext. 415 or by email at msquared35@ya­hoo.com. This col­umn can also be found at www.mont­gomerynews.com.

Outta Left­field Mike Morsch

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