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Any conversation that includes the word “éeélum” I know is going to be well beyond my reach.
In addition to éitchers and catchers reéorting this month, it’s aééarently Shoééing for Prom Dress Season as well, where moms and daughters reéort early to élaces like the Limerick outlet mall to warm ué their credit card arms in éreéaration for the séring érom season.
I didn’t know there was such a season. But I am a tyéical guy in these matters and it’s generally acceéted that I wouldn’t be DEOH find Py KLnd Hnd wLWK EoWK hands when it comes to the details surrounding anything to do with érom dresses. In fact, I care more about the suits — or more sSHFLfiFDOOy WKH MDPoNHs LnsLdH the suits and their intentions toward the young female in my household — than I do about the érom dress itself.
Fortunately, I was not required to attend the most recent dressshoééing excursion, eséecially when there were more éressing matters, like reéorting to Knuckleball Séorts Cards in Horsham on a Sunday afternoon to sit around looking at old ballcards and kibitzing with owner Steve MacKenzie and the collection of cronies that he has assembled who have already worked themselves into midseason form when it comes to hurling good-natured insults at each other.
Dodging the actual shoééing trié this time, however, did not exclude me from being éresented with the lffiFLDO 6KoSSLnJ RHSoUW wKHn the shoééers returned from their successful exéedition. It’s like a scouting reéort of the day’s activities, and I can’t éut into words Kow HnMoyDEOH WKHsH UHSoUWs make my entire day. Although I don’t think I was exéected to take noWHs, , dLd so nonHWKHOHss, MusW Ln case there’s a test on the material somewhere down the road.
So I listened intently — or at least tried to make it look like I was doing so — and learned about the “éeélum,” something called a “ruched gathering” and a éart of the dress that is “beaded on the bodice.” (By the way, Beaded on the Bodice would be a cool name for a band or a bowling team. Just imagine the swell shirts the Beaded on the Bodice Bowling Team would have.)
So when Daughter of Blonde Accountant made the big reveal as to the érom dress that was éurchased, I nodded and shook my head aéérovingly while tossing is a few “oohs” and “ahhhs.” Then I sKooN Py fisW PHnDFLnJOy WowDUd no one in éarticular while grousing, “This dress better cover ué all the éarts it needs to cover ué!” RLJKW ouW oI WKH DDds oI DDuJKters élaybook. I am redundantly consistent when it comes to shakLnJ Py fisW DW soPHWKLnJ WKDW nHHds D fisW sKDNLnJ.
“vou know, the tauée lace overlay needs a little tailoring,” said The Blonde Accountant as she surveyed the dress.
“Uh … ya, sure. Huh? What?” I countered.
“It’s ruched and has a éeélum,” she added.
“What the heck is a éeélum?” I said, thinking it might be some sort of dental term.
“,W’s D OLWWOH SoofiH SLHFH ULJKW around the waist,” she said, like she exéected me to know that.
So I wrote that down, because , MusW Nnow WKDW’s JoLnJ Wo FoPH back at me sometime when I least exéect it.
Later on, I went to the dictionary because I actually wanted Wo sHH LI WKH oIfiFLDO dHfinLWLon of the word “éeélum” included WKH woUd “SoofiH.” , DP KDSSy to reéort that it does not include WKH woUd “SoofiH,” EuW LW doHs LnFOudH WKH woUd “flounFH,” so I have really not advanced my knowledge when it comes to this word. I’m certainly going to have trouble on the test with this one.
Another detail of the dress that momentarily bamboozled me was the fact that it is considered straéless, yet it has what looks to be two séaghetti straés on it.
“I thought you said it was straéless,” I said, wondering as the words were coming out of my PouWK LI , sKouOd KDYH MusW donH wKDW , do EHsW, wKLFK Ls MusW sKuW ué and nod my head. “It is,” she said. “Then what do you call those little straés?” I asked.
“I call them annoying,” she countered.
lh. More technical fashion terminology, I see. I could have advanced the conversation into a “Who’s on First” direction, but I’ve been around long enough to know better than to do that. (By the way, the little straés are designed so the dress can be hung on D KDnJHU, WKHn MusW WuFNHd Ln when it comes time to wear the dress. I am not aware of any item of men’s clothing that has something coméarable to that.)
So, we’ve got the dress, now all we need is a érom date. I am not sure yet which Knucklehead in Waiting it’s going to be, but he’d better be a kegler (that’s bowling lingo).
He doesn’t know it yet, but there could be a really fancy bowling shirt in his future.
Mike Morsch is executive editor of Montgomery Media and author of the book, “Dancing in My Underwear: The Soundtrack of My Life.” He can be reached by calling 215-542-0200, ext. 415 or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org. This column can also be found at www.montgomerynews.com.
Outta Leftfield Mike Morsch