New mom re­turn­ing to work wants to find right day care

Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette - - CLASSIFIED - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069 or visit

Dear Abby: I am a new mom to a sweet baby boy. I am (or was) very ca­reer-ori­ented and never in a mil­lion years thought I would want to be a stay-at-home mom. I will have to re­turn to work shortly, and I’m re­ally strug­gling.

I have a hard time putting my lit­tle one in day care, but I don’t have a choice. I have no idea where to be­gin, how to se­lect the right day care or what ques­tions to ask. Any as­sis­tance would be greatly ap­pre­ci­ated.

— New Mom in Cal­i­for­nia

Dear New Mom: Start by talk­ing to your friends and fam­ily, ask­ing if they know of a day care that’s good, then make sure that any fa­cil­ity you’re con­sid­er­ing is li­censed. Spend a lit­tle time there to see how the care­givers in­ter­act with the chil­dren.

Go to baby­cen­ and search on “day­care.” You will find a sec­tion on day care cen­ters that will give you the in­for­ma­tion you need. You should also check with your state’s de­part­ment of so­cial ser­vices to be sure no com­plaints have been filed. I wish you luck in your search.

Dear Abby: Over the years the peo­ple clos­est to me (im­me­di­ate fam­ily, friends and a few ex-boyfriends) have given me ev­ery rea­son not to trust any­one much.

About a year ago I found the courage to date again and met a man who gives me ev­ery rea­son to trust him to the fullest. The prob­lem is, be­cause of my past, I’m hav­ing prob­lems do­ing it. How do I move past my is­sues and give the re­la­tion­ship I’m in a fair chance be­fore I de­stroy it?

— Gun-Shy in Maine

Dear Gun-Shy: Con­sid­er­ing your his­tory, it makes sense that you are afraid of be­ing hurt or taken ad­van­tage of. How­ever, not all peo­ple are alike. Al­low the re­la­tion­ship more time to de­velop. .

Lis­ten to what he says and watch what he does. If the two don’t match, re­gard it as a red flag. How­ever, if they do match, then count your bless­ings be­cause you may have fi­nally found a win­ner.

Dear Abby: For years I’ve gone to a neigh­bor­hood bar ev­ery Fri­day night for a few hours dur­ing cock­tail hour. I have re­cently started us­ing oxy­gen due to COPD from smok­ing.

My doc­tor says I can do any­thing I feel I’m up to. Well, I’m up to go­ing out to the bar like I used to do. Trou­ble is, I’m self-con­scious about the

car­rier. It doesn’t bother me to go out to stores, etc., but this does. Should I stay home, bored out of my mind, or get on with the life I used to have?

— Wants To Get On With Life

Dear Wants: Your doc­tor has said you can do what you want. I see noth­ing to be gained by sit­ting home alone and be­com­ing de­pressed. My only con­cern is that the bar you fre­quent may be smoky and be prob­lem­atic for your al­ready-dam­aged lungs. If the bar is smoke-free, go. But if it isn’t, then I’m sug­gest­ing you find one that is.

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