Par­ents grin and bear the bill for man’s upscale ap­petite

Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette - - PROFILES - ABI­GAIL VAN BUREN Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069 or visit

DEAR ABBY: Our son-in-law, “Brody,” has a very dif­fer­ent life­style than ours and the one in which we raised our daugh­ter. I pointed it out to her while they were dat­ing, and she was not pleased. I de­cided to say no more and try to ac­cept him as best as pos­si­ble, although I ad­mit my hus­band has been bet­ter at it than I have.

One thing that con­tin­ues to bother us is that when­ever we in­vite them out for din­ner, Brody will or­der the most ex­pen­sive thing on the menu. He also has a cou­ple of drinks, up­grades his salad and or­ders dessert. By the time he’s done, the cost of his meal is dou­ble that of ev­ery­one else’s.

Although we can af­ford it, we feel this is bad man­ners. I’m not sure if he’s try­ing to take ad­van­tage of us or if he just thinks he is en­ti­tled. Our daugh­ter thinks he’s won­der­ful and doesn’t seem to mind that he does this. I worry that it may re­flect badly on her when they are out with oth­ers. Is this ac­cept­able? Do we grin and bear it? Or should we say some­thing and, if so, what do we say?

— Pay­ing dearly in

Montana DEAR PAY­ING: If you bring the sub­ject up, I can al­most guar­an­tee that what you say will not be well re­ceived. What your son-in­law is do­ing is “ac­cept­able” in light of the fact that you say you can af­ford it. If you couldn’t, I as­sume those din­ner in­vi­ta­tions would be few and far be­tween, and you would have had to ex­plain the rea­son to your daugh­ter. When they dine out with con­tem­po­raries, pre­sum­ably the bill is split be­tween the cou­ples. If that isn’t the case, it prob­a­bly wouldn’t hap­pen twice be­cause the other cou­ple would likely re­quest sep­a­rate checks.

DEAR ABBY: I am the edi­tor of a lo­cal news­pa­per and man­age two oth­ers. Your mes­sage (March 27) about it be­ing “too late” to run a wed­ding an­nounce­ment is non­sense. We reg­u­larly re­ceive an­nounce­ments six to seven months af­ter wed­dings. Also, the an­nounce­ment does not have to be submitted by the cou­ple. Grand­par­ents or par­ents in the com­mu­nity can send them, too.

Young peo­ple to­day think that once some­thing is on so­cial me­dia it is “of­fi­cial,” for­get­ting that not ev­ery­one is on so­cial me­dia, and not ev­ery­one is con­nected to their pro­files. So please tell the per­son who wrote that let­ter to send in that wed­ding an­nounce­ment and en­joy hav­ing the hard copy me­mento of a happy oc­ca­sion. I wouldn’t be sur­prised if some­day those new­ly­weds will be very happy to have a phys­i­cal copy of their an­nounce­ment.

— News­pa­per lady in

Kansas DEAR NEWS­PA­PER LADY: I’m glad you wrote be­cause I’m sure many read­ers will ben­e­fit from it. How­ever, the writer of that let­ter stated that her daugh­ter-in-law said she didn’t want the an­nounce­ment in the news­pa­per and her son agreed. I can­not “bless” the writer go­ing against their wishes, which were made clear.

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