There aren’t enough symbols to properly pan Emoji movie
I’m all Face With Tears of Joy right now.
That’s emoji speak for laughing. What’s got me so tickled? Reviews for The Emoji Movie.
Admittedly, I haven’t seen the movie (relieved face). And I probably won’t (money with wings). Still, I’m relishing the critiques more than I should (face savoring delicious food).
There’s nothing like a terrible movie (angry face with horns) to bring out terrific movie writing (woman dancing).
At one point during last weekend’s opening, the movie had a zero percent (flushed face) favorable rating on movie site RottenTomatoes.com, with all critics assigning it a “rotten” grade.
But then one courageous, or perhaps just kind, reviewer from Common Sense Media gave it a “fresh,” saying, “Kids will definitely enjoy the colorful characters, easyto-follow story and potty humor (‘We’re number two!’ the poop emoji and his son exclaim).” A couple of others followed suit. At press time, the film was ranked at a mere 7 percent freshness — an overwhelming 93 percent foulness (nauseated face).
That’s still better than a lot of movies. There’s a lengthy list of movies that have received a zero percent ranking, from Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987) to Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach (1988) to Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989).
Whew, at least there was never a Police Academy 7. No, wait there was. It was called Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994), and IMDb. com states the movie with a $6.2 million budget brought in a mere domestic gross of $126,247. Eventually the court of public opinion finally got this franchise to cease and desist (scales of justice).
We’d bet, as with all flimsy movies, The Emoji Movie, which features the voice talent of T.J. Miller, James Corden, Patrick Stewart, Maya Rudolph and Anna Faris, will follow a similar sequels trajectory, even if it’s Directto-DVD (weary face).
In the meantime, let’s save our ticket, popcorn, candy and soda cash (money-mouth face) and just enjoy some laughs — more than we’d expect to get from the movie — for free (speak-no-evil monkey).
Concludes John DeFore of HollywoodReporter.com: “If only this smartphone-centric dud, so happy to hawk real-world apps to its audience, could have done the same in its release strategy — coming out via Snapchat, where it would vanish shortly after arrival. But even that wouldn’t be fast enough.” We interpret that as a turkey emoji.
Alissa Wilkinson of Vox. com offers this perspective: “All there’s left to say is that giving money to a movie like this is only going to encourage more like it. So please: Don’t do it. Stay home. Watch literally anything else. And maybe put down your phone.” We interpret that as a facepalming emoji.
Roger Moore of Rogers MovieNation.com writes, “The script’s strained overview of web memes — hashtags, kitten videos and ‘Bye, Felicia’ — isn’t worth the 86 minutes the movie sucks out of your cell plan, your battery or your life.” We interpret that as a skull emoji.
In a review titled “Emoji movie s**** (sadface!),” Johnny Oleksinski of the New York Post writes, “Please restore my eyes to their factory settings. They have seen The Emoji Movie, a new exercise in soulless branding, aimed primarily at little kids. But where another product-focused flick, The Lego Movie, had cleverness and heart, this thing is a piece of app.” We interpret that as dizzy face, ogre and dagger emojis.
But not all critics are totally emo about The Emoji Movie.
Peter Sobczynski writes for RogerEbert.com: [A]t the screening of The Emoji Movie I attended, there were plenty of kids but judging by the shifting in seats, rustling of candy bags and the lack of laughter, they did not seem to be into it at all. The Emoji Movie may be as depressing of a film experience as anything to come out this year but if the reaction of the kids that I saw it with is any indication, there may be hope for the future after all.” We interpret that as confetti ball, balloon and people with bunny ears partying emojis.