MONEY MAN­NERS

Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette - - NOTHWEST/TELEVISION - JEANNE FLEM­ING AND LEONARD SCH­WARZ Please email your ques­tions about money, ethics and re­la­tion­ships to Ques­tions@MoneyMan­ners.net

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I re­cently ran for a seat on the school board in the sub­ur­ban com­mu­nity in which I live. I’ve ac­cepted the fact that I lost. But what con­tin­ues to bug me is that my fa­ther, a wid­ower, failed to con­trib­ute to my cam­paign fund, even though he knew how much the elec­tion meant to me (it’s my first) and even though he’s not short on money. Am I wrong to feel this way? — Ryan DEAR RYAN: At least you’re more at peace than Hil­lary.

Se­ri­ously, is it pos­si­ble that your fa­ther dis­agrees with your views? If he does, he wouldn’t be wrong to put his phi­los­o­phy ahead of your feel­ings. Af­ter all, if you’re old enough to run for the school board, you’re old enough to un­der­stand that lov­ing you doesn’t re­quire your fa­ther to share your perspective on ed­u­ca­tion.

How­ever, if your views on the is­sues weren’t the rea­son, you’re not wrong to feel hurt by his fail­ing to con­trib­ute. You are wrong, though, not

to let it go. Af­ter writ­ing as many checks as sup­port­ing you for at least 18 years must have re­quired, your fa­ther’s en­ti­tled to be for­given for not writ­ing one to your cam­paign. DEAR JEANNE &

LEONARD: The old­est child of my mother’s fa­vorite niece is get­ting mar­ried next month. Mom died un­ex­pect­edly in the spring, but I know that she had in­tended to give the bride and groom $1,000 as a wed­ding present. So shouldn’t my sis­ter and I, as our mother’s heirs, be giv­ing the cou­ple the $1,000 out of the money we in­her­ited? My sis­ter thinks I’m crazy — es­pe­cially, she says, be­cause our cousin (Mom’s niece) has two more chil­dren who would then ex­pect com­pa­ra­ble gifts when they got mar­ried. But I say, had Mom lived only a few months more, that $1,000 would have been theirs, plus Mom would have wanted us to give it to them. What do you think?

— J.T. DEAR J.T.: Got any other cousins with un­mar­ried chil­dren? We ask be­cause rare is the fam­ily in which some­one re­ceives $1,000 from a greataunt — es­pe­cially posthu­mously — and ev­ery last rel­a­tive doesn’t hear about it. In other words, we won­der if you’re not un­der­es­ti­mat­ing the num­ber of prospec­tive brides and grooms who might ex­pect the same wed­ding present.

Even so, you should give the happy cou­ple the $1,000 as long as there’s no ques­tion that your mother in­tended for them to have it. But in do­ing so, em­pha­size that the gift is from your mother, not from you and your sis­ter, and that your mother had ex­plic­itly told you that she was plan­ning to give them that amount. To un­der­score the point that the money is from her alone, don’t give them a check from you or your sis­ter — give them cash. And to fur­ther un­der­score the point that you two aren’t go­ing to be pony­ing up a grand at ev­ery fu­ture nup­tial, you and your sis­ter each should give the cou­ple your own, ap­pro­pri­ate-from-a-cousin, gift.

Good luck. It’s not al­ways easy be­ing gen­er­ous.

Spe­cial to the Demo­crat-Gazette/RON WOLFE

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