A real hair-raising scandal at ESPN
It’s been a good couple of weeks if you’re a fan of the apocalypse.
Hurricanes are attacking, North Korea is firing missiles and now we must deal with another sign that civilization is about to end. hair is
Technically, he still has hair. But the ’do that provided decades of delight and derision is no more.
I realize a few of you may not appreciate the significance of this event. You might have even missed it with all the hubbub over SportsCenter anchor tweeting that
wants to replace U.S. currency with Confederate money.
But this is big. Or it was big.
Kiper’s blow-dried bouffant first appeared at the 1984 NFL draft.
Legend has it that young Mel had been so busy looking at film of the third-string tackle from Idaho State that he didn’t have time to go to the ESPN makeup room, so he just put a Chia pet on his head.
The sides were as long as the top, and it was all combed back and spackled into place.
It looked like a football helmet, only more indestructible.
In those days when helmet phones were on every team’s draft desk, you half-expected the Bucs representative to reach for Kiper’s head and try to pick up the receiver.
We laughed at Kiper Hair, but it saw us through the Cold War, six presidencies, five Magic rebuilding plans and the Macarena.
Then on Thursday, without any warning, it was gone.
Kiper appeared on SportsCenter to talk about the 2018 NFL Draft. Anchor brought up something far more important.
In his usual businesslike bark, Kiper explained that he simply decided he wanted shorter hair.
“And hey, 35 years at ESPN, David, time has come where you can finally see my ears,” he said.
There must be more to the story.
It could be an ESPN ploy to distract from the COMMENTARY White House saying Hill should be fired and replaced by
Or since he’s starting to gray, maybe ESPN thought Kiper’s Hair was starting to resemble
beard a little too much and had to go.
Whatever the reason, this should cause millions of more subscribers to cut the cord. That’s assuming the world doesn’t end before they can call the cable company.
I really don’t want to add fuel to that inferno. I’ll simply say ESPN went too far when it took broadcaster
off the Virginia game and reassigned him to Youngstown State.
NASA’s Cassini spacecraft. After 20 years and 2.2 billion miles of exploring the cosmos, it plummeted into Saturn’s atmosphere and burned up on Friday.
Due to the delay in radio signals reaching that far, the probe’s guidance system apparently short-circuited when it learned the Cubs had won the World Series.
Sports Illustrated. As part of its year-round Swimsuit Issue publicity campaign, it posted shots of a topless model at a pool in Harvey-ravaged Houston. It followed with shots of the Brooklyn Nets cheerleaders in bikinis in Barbados, which was flattened by Irma.
It seems a bit tasteless, but I’ll forgive S.I. if one of its topless models shows up with a chainsaw today and helps me clear debris from my backyard. and have politely declined
invitation to serve as honorary captains at a Michigan football game this season. As luck would have it,
will be Ann Arbor the week of the Rutgers game. She reportedly is willing to show up and blame last fall’s loss to Ohio State on
if Michigan will add a speakingfee charge of $2,000 to every ticket.
Sports Illustrated says the cover of next year’s Swimsuit Issue will be shot at either Chernobyl or Hiroshima.
The Knicks are reportedly trying to trade
to the NFL for a 1987 Houston Oilers helmet phone.
This just in: NASA has announced the fireball over Saturn Friday was actually a football
threw against the Titans last year, and the Cassini probe is intact and will continue its mission to find the real killers of
Back in 2009, ESPN draft analyst Mel Kiper Jr. already had long established his bouffant style of ultra confidence.