Frustrating Conversational Loops
You will have noticed that certain conversations go repeatedly nowhere, regardless of how many times you vary and replay them. You may have one or more frustrating conversational loops running right now with your partner, children, colleagues, friends or opponents; and those frustrations are cumulative. If the underlying conflicts are not identified and resolved, these loops will grow increasingly irritating, painful, and eventually central to your frustrating relationship. The points that each of you repeatedly try to make in the course of a frustrating loop, and the way that you try to make them, compulsively reflect the conflict you are having without addressing it directly, much less resolving it. A single conflict can manifest itself in many different ways, which tends to disguise the simplicity of the underlying problem.
Mechanisms that contribute to frustrating loops include simple misunderstanding, mismatched communication styles, incompatible personality types, passive-aggressive avoidance, overt hostility, manipulative sophistry, malicious compliance, nagging, narcissism, paranoid delusion, jealousy, envy, selfishness, trickery, co-dependency, addiction and personal differences in beliefs, priorities or values. No matter how pointless or bizarre a frustrating loop may appear to be, each one represents an important and legitimate issue that one or both of you feel the need to resolve. In order to disarm a frustrating conversational loop it is first necessary to identify what it is actually about. This is usually not difficult once you have turned your genuine attention to it, but one or both of you have been avoiding this because you are afraid of how it might turn out if you were to actually address the real issue and resolve it. This is what keeps conversational loops alive and frustrating. You may find it helpful to consult with a professional. Trust me. Call me.