In­no­cent hus­band bears brunt of wife’s anger at her fa­ther

Porterville Recorder - - COMMUNITY / FAVORITES - Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 55-year-old guy stranded in a tough mar­riage sit­u­a­tion. My wife has had a se­ri­ous fall­ing-out with her fa­ther. Af­ter his wife of more than 50 years passed away, he im­me­di­ately took up with an old flame and dumped his fam­ily in fa­vor of his new lady's fam­ily.

My wife now treats me like garbage. Ap­par­ently, “all men are dogs,” and if she passes away, I “ob­vi­ously al­ready have a girl lined up to take her place,” and, oh yeah, I plan to aban­don my chil­dren in fa­vor of the new woman's fam­ily. I'm be­ing painted with a very broad brush, and it is de­stroy­ing our re­la­tion­ship.

My wife is an­gry and bit­ter all the time, and I feel aban­doned. I love her dearly and don't know what to do next, although I am think­ing of punch­ing out her fa­ther. Any thoughts are ap­pre­ci­ated. — STRANDED IN CAL­I­FOR­NIA

DEAR STRANDED: Your wife is now an “or­phan.” She's hurt, an­gry, and mis­di­rect­ing her anger at her fa­ther onto you. Of course it is un­fair to you. She needs coun­sel­ing NOW, be­fore she com­pounds her pain by de­stroy­ing her mar­riage to you. Be smart and in­sist upon it. DEAR ABBY: I'm a fifth­grader, and I'd like to know some­thing im­por­tant to girls my age. I want to know how to get a guy to be my boyfriend and the steps to get­ting him. It's hard for me to get a boyfriend.

I know what you're go­ing to say -- I'm too young for boys. But if I am, I would like this in­for­ma­tion for fu­ture ref­er­ence. I have tried other things. Noth­ing worked, and ba­si­cally, you're my last hope. — PLAN­NING AHEAD IN BAY CITY, TEXAS

DEAR PLAN­NING AHEAD: OK, let's re­view the ba­sics. Are you neat and clean in your ap­pear­ance? Are you fun to be around and liked by your class­mates of both gen­ders? Do you smile and say hello and show an in­ter­est?

Ba­si­cally, the qual­i­ties that at­tract other girls are the same ones that will make boys pay at­ten­tion. But there's an im­por­tant point to keep in mind, and it's that while you may be de­vel­op­ing an in­ter­est in boys, many of them may not be ma­ture enough to have de­vel­oped an in­ter­est in girls yet, so be pa­tient. Fo­cus on your stud­ies, be­come in­volved in ac­tiv­i­ties you en­joy, and things will hap­pen nat­u­rally.

DEAR ABBY: Re­cently, a waiter spilled the din­ner he was car­ry­ing for an­other diner all over my coat. This is not the first time some­thing like this has hap­pened to me or some­one I was din­ing with. What is the proper thing for a restau­rant to do in a sit­u­a­tion like this? Of­fer me a free meal to cover the cost of get­ting my coat dry-cleaned? — AN­NOYED IN AUS­TRALIA

DEAR AN­NOYED: The very least you should re­ceive is an apol­ogy. If the restau­rant is Class A, the man­ager should come to your ta­ble, apol­o­gize and in­struct you to send or bring the bill for dry clean­ing your gar­ment to him or her so the es­tab­lish­ment can pay for it. Of­fer­ing to treat you to dessert would also be good pub­lic re­la­tions, but ex­pect­ing to be treated to din­ner is ex­ces­sive.

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