Keep Your Tips Up

Grab some dice and play the ski boot game all your friends are talk­ing about

Powder - - TABLE OF CONTENTS - By Matt Hansen

1. Sweet, new boots!

10. Pur­chase boots from Ama­zon based solely on the pref­er­ences of your fa­vorite pro­fes­sional skier.

18. Driv­ing in ski boots is weird and prob­a­bly dan­ger­ous but very sat­is­fy­ing.

26. Frost­bite rav­ages toes at avalanche class be­cause you wore your new boots and all you did was stand around and watch the hairy in­struc­tor slowly dig sev­eral pits while it’s 20-be­low.

Move for­ward three spa­ces.

Move for­ward three spa­ces.

Lose two turns and take a hard look at your life.

2. Ouch, my feet hurt!

Go back two spa­ces.

19. Toe-bang. Dam­mit.

Go back three spa­ces.

Go back eight spa­ces. It’s OK to cry.

3. Dig around in the garage for old smelly lin­ers to re­place the new stock lin­ers.

11. What the eff is cant­ing?

Go back three spa­ces.

20. Dur­ing love-mak­ing, keep your socks on to con­ceal your hideously de­formed feet.

27. Fi­nally, a pair of ski boots that are not too new, not too old, but just right.

Move for­ward three spa­ces.

Ski boot nir­vana. Move for­ward one space.

12. Feet scream in ec­stasy as you step into a hot tub af­ter a day of ski­ing.

Blame it on the cold floor, and move for­ward five spa­ces.

4. Wow, I re­ally should clean my garage, but I think I’ll just wax my skis in­stead.

Move for­ward eight spa­ces.

Lose a turn.

28. Two months later, boot lin­ers are packed out once again.

13. At an es­tate sale, find a pair of mint SX 91 Equipes. They fit per­fectly.

21. Hey, you re­mem­bered to cut your toe­nails.

Briefly con­sider snow­board­ing.

5. Buy new In­tu­ition lin­ers.

Move for­ward five spa­ces.

Move for­ward 15 spa­ces.

Move for­ward two spa­ces.

29. You re­vert to old, tighter boots, where you quickly lose both big-toe nails, head­ing into sum­mer look­ing like a leper.

6. Google “How to cook an In­tu­ition liner in the oven?”

14. Shin-bang. Dam­mit.

22. Drop into the line of a life­time and im­me­di­ately eat shit be­cause you for­got to se­cure the walk mode.

Go back seven spa­ces.

Move for­ward two spa­ces.

Lose a turn.

Re­turn to boot­fit­ter and pay him/her in dol­lars (in­stead of al­co­hol).

15. Take a boot bag to the air­port.

Move for­ward two spa­ces and shout, “I am a huge dork!”

7. Get dis­tracted by pro skier rap videos on Youtube and melt liner in oven.

23. Get a cus­tom footbed.

Go back 10 spa­ces.

Move for­ward 10 spa­ces.

30. While at boot­fit­ter, re­al­ize you’ll never re­turn to the glory days of shin­ning gates and send­ing airs, so find some­thing com­fort­able, chill out, and be thank­ful you still have two knees.

16. While car­ry­ing your boots over your shoul­der onto the air­plane, clock an old lady in the head.

8. Go see your lo­cal boot­fit­ter.

24. Black toe­nails ap­pear mid-fe­bru­ary, just like clock­work.

Move for­ward five spa­ces.

Sin­cerely apol­o­gize and go buy a boot bag.

What else are you go­ing to do? Go bowl­ing? Move for­ward three spa­ces.

Just start over.

9. Boot­fit­ter says you’ve been in boots too big your en­tire life and drops you down two sizes.

17. I miss my tele boots.

25. Buy a pair of light­weight elf shoes for tour­ing and en­roll in an avalanche class.

31. It’s not the gear, it’s you. Ski till the end of the day de­spite what­ever shape your boots are in.

Go back to No. 2.

No one cares. Shot­gun a beer.

Move for­ward four spa­ces and call your mom.

Con­grat­u­la­tions, you are now a skier.

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