Life in These United States

IN THESE UNITED STATES

Reader's Digest - - Contents -

WHEN THE BOX

with my Hal­loween cos­tume ar­rived, it was empty. I called the com­pany and asked where my Maid Mar­ian cos­tume was.

“We’re sorry, ma’am. We’ll send your cos­tume to­mor­row,” the rep­re­sen­ta­tive said. “In the mean­time, feel free to keep the Lady Go­diva cos­tume you got by mis­take.”

KAREN ATANASOFF, Har­ris­burg, Penn­syl­va­nia

WHO­EVER SAID

“Don’t bite off more than you can chew” has never been to a buf­fet with my fam­ily.

@ATSUKOCOMEDY (ATSUKO OKATSUKA)

AS MY WIFE AND I

pre­pared for our garage sale, I came across a paint­ing. Look­ing at the back, I dis­cov­ered that I had writ­ten “To my beau­ti­ful wife on our fifth an­niver­sary. I love you … Keith.” Feel­ing nos­tal­gic about

a gift I’d given her 25 years ear­lier, I showed it to her, think­ing we should re­hang the pic­ture. Af­ter gaz­ing at my mes­sage for a few sec­onds, she replied, “You know, I think a black marker would cover over all that so that we could sell it.”

KEITH CHAM­BERS, Mait­land, Florida

PAR­ENT­HOOD

■ I like hav­ing con­ver­sa­tions with kids. Grown-ups never ask me what my third-fa­vorite rep­tile is.

@SIMONCHOLLAND

■ My two-year-old has a su­per­power: Ev­ery­thing he touches gets sticky.

@A_PANIAGUA

■ We could live inside the school bus and my son would still find a way to make us late for it ev­ery day.

@DADANDBURIED

AF­TER DO­ING

some DIY projects around the house, I have a new motto: Do your best to do things right the first few times.

THOMAS NGO, Lyn­wood, Wash­ing­ton

TO SAVE MONEY,

I sug­gested to one of my grown sons that we all live to­gether in one house. I could tell he didn’t think it would be cost-ef­fec­tive when he asked, “Who’s go­ing to pay the ther­a­pist?” VIR­GINIA DAVIES,

New­port Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

“And if you fall be­hind on pay­ments, it drives it­self back to the deal­er­ship.”

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