Life in These United States
IN THESE UNITED STATES
WHEN THE BOX
with my Halloween costume arrived, it was empty. I called the company and asked where my Maid Marian costume was.
“We’re sorry, ma’am. We’ll send your costume tomorrow,” the representative said. “In the meantime, feel free to keep the Lady Godiva costume you got by mistake.”
KAREN ATANASOFF, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
“Don’t bite off more than you can chew” has never been to a buffet with my family.
@ATSUKOCOMEDY (ATSUKO OKATSUKA)
AS MY WIFE AND I
prepared for our garage sale, I came across a painting. Looking at the back, I discovered that I had written “To my beautiful wife on our fifth anniversary. I love you … Keith.” Feeling nostalgic about
a gift I’d given her 25 years earlier, I showed it to her, thinking we should rehang the picture. After gazing at my message for a few seconds, she replied, “You know, I think a black marker would cover over all that so that we could sell it.”
KEITH CHAMBERS, Maitland, Florida
■ I like having conversations with kids. Grown-ups never ask me what my third-favorite reptile is.
■ My two-year-old has a superpower: Everything he touches gets sticky.
■ We could live inside the school bus and my son would still find a way to make us late for it every day.
some DIY projects around the house, I have a new motto: Do your best to do things right the first few times.
THOMAS NGO, Lynwood, Washington
TO SAVE MONEY,
I suggested to one of my grown sons that we all live together in one house. I could tell he didn’t think it would be cost-effective when he asked, “Who’s going to pay the therapist?” VIRGINIA DAVIES,
Newport Beach, California
“And if you fall behind on payments, it drives itself back to the dealership.”