Laugh­ter, the Best Medicine

THE BEST MEDICINE

Reader's Digest - - Contents -

TOURISTS at a nat­u­ral his­tory mu­seum are mar­veling at some di­nosaur bones. One of them asks a guard, “Can you tell me how old the di­nosaur bones are?”

The guard replies, “They are 65,000,011 years old.”

“That’s an aw­fully ex­act num­ber,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so pre­cisely?” The guard an­swers, “Well, the di­nosaur bones were 65,000,000 years old when I started work­ing here, and that was 11 years ago.”

Source: haha.cafe “ADAM AND EVE: the first peo­ple not to read the Ap­ple Terms and Con­di­tions.”

Church sign, via Planet Proc­tor news­let­ter

TWO DOG OWN­ERS are ar­gu­ing about whose pet is smarter.

“My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that ev­ery morn­ing he goes to the store and buys me a sesame­seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Star­bucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all be­fore I get out of bed.”

“I know,” says the sec­ond owner. “How do you know?” the first de­mands.

“My dog told me.”

From the book Laugh­ter: The Best Medicine

IF NATALIE PORT­MAN dated

Jac­ques Cousteau, they would win celebrity-cou­ple nick­nam­ing for­ever with “Port­man­teau.”

@THENARDVARK (BRYAN DON­ALD­SON)

A TRUCK car­ry­ing 12 tons of liq­uid choco­late spilled its load across a Euro­pean high­way. The Week asked its read­ers: If a con­fec­tioner were to scrape up and sell all that choco­late, what brand name might it have?

■ Mr. Good­tar

■ Lit­er­ally 5th Av­enue

■ 3 Mus­ke­tires

■ Gut­terfin­ger

■ Pave-mint

■ Tobleroad

■ Au­to­bahn-bahns Your funny joke, list, or quote might be worth $$$. For de­tails, see page 3 or go to rd.com/sub­mit.

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