Laughter, the Best Medicine
THE BEST MEDICINE
TOURISTS at a natural history museum are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks a guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”
The guard replies, “They are 65,000,011 years old.”
“That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?” The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were 65,000,000 years old when I started working here, and that was 11 years ago.”
Source: haha.cafe “ADAM AND EVE: the first people not to read the Apple Terms and Conditions.”
Church sign, via Planet Proctor newsletter
TWO DOG OWNERS are arguing about whose pet is smarter.
“My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesameseed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.”
“I know,” says the second owner. “How do you know?” the first demands.
“My dog told me.”
From the book Laughter: The Best Medicine
IF NATALIE PORTMAN dated
Jacques Cousteau, they would win celebrity-couple nicknaming forever with “Portmanteau.”
@THENARDVARK (BRYAN DONALDSON)
A TRUCK carrying 12 tons of liquid chocolate spilled its load across a European highway. The Week asked its readers: If a confectioner were to scrape up and sell all that chocolate, what brand name might it have?
■ Mr. Goodtar
■ Literally 5th Avenue
■ 3 Musketires
■ Autobahn-bahns Your funny joke, list, or quote might be worth $$$. For details, see page 3 or go to rd.com/submit.