A bit of humor for starters
This appeared in the latest issue of the AARP Bulletin on their Last Laugh Page:
Q. — What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? A. — A receding hare line. Okay, maybe that’s only one of those “senior” jokes that my younger readers would not find funny.
••• KEEP SMILING There is not a whole lot of clippings and scribbled notes on this desk for a column, so let me quote a piece that appeared in the column some years ago, that I called “A Thought for the Week.” I am not sure how many years that was, but it had to be quite a few as I mention in it that there were 200 million people in the country and I believe we have over 300 million now. Anyway, it went like this:
“One of my readers sent me this very cute item which we would like to share with you this week: I AM TIRED. Yes, I am tired. For several years I’ve been blaming it on middle age, iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, underarm odor. You wonder if life is really worth living. But now I find out, ‘taint that! I’m tired because I’m overworked. AND here’s why:
The population of this country is 200 million. Eighty-four million are retired. That leaves 116 million to do the work.
There are 75 million in school. Which leaves 41 million to do the work.
OF this total, there are 22 million employed by the federal government. That leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the armed forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from that the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now there are 11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you’re sitting there reading this! No wonder I’m tired!” As you may notice by some of those numbers, this had to have been a clipping from a good many years ago. But I hope you enjoyed it.
••• DAD LIKED THIS ONE I kept a small 6-ring binder from Dad’s desk after he died. It is filled with clippings that he cut out and pasted in the pages. Quite a few of the pages he typed himself of items he found interesting. I hope you will like this one which was on the back of his notebook: TO SUCCEED ”To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy children, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
••• CLEVER COMMERICAL When watching television, I go get a beer or some ice cream, during the commercials. But Ruth told me to watch one the other day during the ball game. And she was right. It was very clever.
It is done by Southwest Airlines and has people tossing a huge beach ball into the air and then it is bounced around on the parked aircraft.
Believe me, most TV commercials can be quite stupid, but I take my hat off to Southwest for this one.
••• BEARDED BASEBALL PLAYERS While we are talking baseball, I want to say that I am glad the Orioles must have a facial hair policy.
You see so many of the teams now that the players are growing beards. And I mean full beards. Don’t understand why a 20-plusyear player would want to look so much older as a beard makes him look. Anyway, I thank the Oriole team for looking like young men.
••• TOO MUCH MONEY! I’m sure there will be more in the sports pages about this one, but did you see where Von Miller of the Denver Broncos rejected a contract that would have paid him $114.5 million over six years, including almost $40 million guaranteed in the first two years? The man would be making more money in two years than most people would ever make in their entire lifetime!