Pursuing a course in apple fritterology
Recently, and by that I mean within the last month, my cell phone has been ringing out of my shirt pocket. It is rather frustrating because I rarely give my number to anybody. But there it goes, ringing and ringing and ringing.
Usually the calls are for political polls of which I am not the least bit interested. If they want to know whom I am voting for they are going to have to come up with a little bit of coin for me. Why should I give them information they are going to sell to someone else? We all know politics goes to the highest bidder.
The only difference between a pollster and a polecat is .… I’m not sure there is any.
Then, there are those called Robo calls. I still do not understand what in the world they are. The phone rings and there is nobody on the other end. I can say “Hello” 100 times and still nobody answers. If I ever find out who this Robo is, I will be tempted to give them a piece of my mind.
Does everybody have my cell phone number? Most of the time I cannot remember what my number is and I have to look at my phone.
Then I started getting phone calls the other week concerning furthering my education.
“I understand,” they always begin which makes me a little suspicious, “that you are interested in furthering your education.”
Well, I try to learn something every day if that is what they mean. But it’s not what they mean.
“From your recent application on the website,” they say as if they know exactly what they are talking about, “you have indicated that you are interested in our university.” Then they pause to catch their breath I guess, “What are you interested in pursuing?”
The first dozen calls I explained to them that there must be a mistake, I was not on their website and I am not interested in anything that they are providing.
From a practical standpoint, you would think that would settle it. But oh no. These people have a script and they stick to their script.
“So what is the interest of your further education?”
It must be the Pennsylvania Dutch in me or something because I can only take this kind of thing for so long. Then, the real me oozes out of my system. Suddenly I had an idea.
It takes a lot for me to get an idea and these calls were pushing me to my limit. And so I came up with a brilliant idea. At least I thought it was brilliant.
The next one that called I said, “Yes, I am interested in furthering my education.”
“Wonderful,” they said reading from their script, “what area of study are you interested in?”
Now I had them eating out of my hand, and I have not washed my hands all day.
“I would like to pursue a course,” I said as seriously as I possibly could manage, “in Apple fritterology.” Of course, I had never heard of such a thing, but who knows what’s out there?
There was a slight pause on the other end of the phone and finally the person said, “What did you say?”
“I would like to pursue a course in Apple fritterology.”
“Would you mind,” the other end of the phone muttered, “spelling that for me?” “A-p-p-l-e-f-r-i-t-t-e-r-o-l-o-g-y.” “I’m not sure we have a class for that. I’ve never heard of that before.”
At that point, I knew I have them. “That is what I am interested in and that is what I want to sign up for how can I go about that?”
“Sir,” and I could tell this point they were off script, “would you explain to me what that is? I’ve never heard that before.”
“It is the study of Apple fritters and their impact in modern-day psychosomatic society.”
Following that, there was a distinctive “click” as the other end of the phone hung up abruptly.
After that telephone conversation, I got to thinking about it. That would be a wonderful course of study. I plan to do some adequate research on the subject of which will consist of eating Apple fritters. I plan to be an Apple fritterologist.
I am sure I will be the first of its kind and I should be planning and preparing a course of study on this tremendous subject. After all, who wouldn’t be interested in such a study?
Since then I have received several other calls asking about my interest in furthering my education. Now, I am reading from my script and confusing the person on the other end of the phone. I cannot wait for the next phone call to come in. I am having a wonderful time. For every phone call that comes in, I eat two Apple fritters.
If I never had received any of these phone calls, I never would have come up with such a wonderful plan. So why should I complain about my cell phone ringing out of my shirt pocket? For every frustrating experience in life, there is a shiny rainbow littered with Apple fritters.
I was reminded what the old preacher said, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest” (Ecclesiastes 9:10).
One of the joys of life when somebody is frustrating you is to return the favor.
Dr. James L. Snyder is pastor of the Family of God Fellowship, Ocala, FL 34483, where he lives with his wife. Call him at 1-866-552-2543 or email firstname.lastname@example.org. His website is www.jamessnyderministries.com.