Pur­su­ing a course in ap­ple frit­terol­ogy

Record Observer - - Religion -

Re­cently, and by that I mean within the last month, my cell phone has been ring­ing out of my shirt pocket. It is rather frus­trat­ing be­cause I rarely give my num­ber to any­body. But there it goes, ring­ing and ring­ing and ring­ing.

Usu­ally the calls are for po­lit­i­cal polls of which I am not the least bit in­ter­ested. If they want to know whom I am vot­ing for they are go­ing to have to come up with a lit­tle bit of coin for me. Why should I give them in­for­ma­tion they are go­ing to sell to some­one else? We all know pol­i­tics goes to the high­est bid­der.

The only dif­fer­ence be­tween a poll­ster and a pole­cat is .… I’m not sure there is any.

Then, there are those called Robo calls. I still do not un­der­stand what in the world they are. The phone rings and there is no­body on the other end. I can say “Hello” 100 times and still no­body an­swers. If I ever find out who this Robo is, I will be tempted to give them a piece of my mind.

Does ev­ery­body have my cell phone num­ber? Most of the time I can­not re­mem­ber what my num­ber is and I have to look at my phone.

Then I started get­ting phone calls the other week con­cern­ing fur­ther­ing my ed­u­ca­tion.

“I un­der­stand,” they al­ways be­gin which makes me a lit­tle sus­pi­cious, “that you are in­ter­ested in fur­ther­ing your ed­u­ca­tion.”

Well, I try to learn some­thing ev­ery day if that is what they mean. But it’s not what they mean.

“From your re­cent ap­pli­ca­tion on the web­site,” they say as if they know ex­actly what they are talk­ing about, “you have in­di­cated that you are in­ter­ested in our uni­ver­sity.” Then they pause to catch their breath I guess, “What are you in­ter­ested in pur­su­ing?”

The first dozen calls I ex­plained to them that there must be a mis­take, I was not on their web­site and I am not in­ter­ested in any­thing that they are pro­vid­ing.

From a prac­ti­cal stand­point, you would think that would set­tle it. But oh no. Th­ese peo­ple have a script and they stick to their script.

“So what is the in­ter­est of your fur­ther ed­u­ca­tion?”

It must be the Penn­syl­va­nia Dutch in me or some­thing be­cause I can only take this kind of thing for so long. Then, the real me oozes out of my sys­tem. Sud­denly I had an idea.

It takes a lot for me to get an idea and th­ese calls were push­ing me to my limit. And so I came up with a bril­liant idea. At least I thought it was bril­liant.

The next one that called I said, “Yes, I am in­ter­ested in fur­ther­ing my ed­u­ca­tion.”

“Won­der­ful,” they said read­ing from their script, “what area of study are you in­ter­ested in?”

Now I had them eat­ing out of my hand, and I have not washed my hands all day.

“I would like to pur­sue a course,” I said as se­ri­ously as I pos­si­bly could man­age, “in Ap­ple frit­terol­ogy.” Of course, I had never heard of such a thing, but who knows what’s out there?

There was a slight pause on the other end of the phone and fi­nally the per­son said, “What did you say?”

“I would like to pur­sue a course in Ap­ple frit­terol­ogy.”

“Would you mind,” the other end of the phone mut­tered, “spell­ing that for me?” “A-p-p-l-e-f-r-i-t-t-e-r-o-l-o-g-y.” “I’m not sure we have a class for that. I’ve never heard of that be­fore.”

At that point, I knew I have them. “That is what I am in­ter­ested in and that is what I want to sign up for how can I go about that?”

“Sir,” and I could tell this point they were off script, “would you ex­plain to me what that is? I’ve never heard that be­fore.”

“It is the study of Ap­ple frit­ters and their im­pact in mod­ern-day psy­cho­so­matic so­ci­ety.”

Fol­low­ing that, there was a dis­tinc­tive “click” as the other end of the phone hung up abruptly.

Af­ter that tele­phone con­ver­sa­tion, I got to think­ing about it. That would be a won­der­ful course of study. I plan to do some ad­e­quate re­search on the sub­ject of which will con­sist of eat­ing Ap­ple frit­ters. I plan to be an Ap­ple frit­terol­o­gist.

I am sure I will be the first of its kind and I should be plan­ning and pre­par­ing a course of study on this tremen­dous sub­ject. Af­ter all, who wouldn’t be in­ter­ested in such a study?

Since then I have re­ceived sev­eral other calls ask­ing about my in­ter­est in fur­ther­ing my ed­u­ca­tion. Now, I am read­ing from my script and con­fus­ing the per­son on the other end of the phone. I can­not wait for the next phone call to come in. I am hav­ing a won­der­ful time. For ev­ery phone call that comes in, I eat two Ap­ple frit­ters.

If I never had re­ceived any of th­ese phone calls, I never would have come up with such a won­der­ful plan. So why should I com­plain about my cell phone ring­ing out of my shirt pocket? For ev­ery frus­trat­ing ex­pe­ri­ence in life, there is a shiny rain­bow lit­tered with Ap­ple frit­ters.

I was re­minded what the old preacher said, “What­so­ever thy hand find­eth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor de­vice, nor knowl­edge, nor wis­dom, in the grave, whither thou goest” (Ec­cle­si­astes 9:10).

One of the joys of life when some­body is frus­trat­ing you is to re­turn the fa­vor.

Dr. James L. Sny­der is pas­tor of the Fam­ily of God Fel­low­ship, Ocala, FL 34483, where he lives with his wife. Call him at 1-866-552-2543 or email jamess­ny­der2@att.net. His web­site is www.jamess­ny­der­min­istries.com.

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