Go ahead, call me if you dare

Record Observer - - Religion -

I don’t think it was in the mind of Dr. Bell when he in­vented the tele­phone for people like me to be ha­rassed by people who are only af­ter my money. Don’t get me wrong here. The tele­phone has been a great bless­ing to many people. But lately, the wrong people have my num­ber.

It fi­nally came to a head this past week. At least as far as I was con­cerned.

The Gra­cious Mistress of the Par­son­age and I had a very busy week and by Thurs­day we had ac­com­plished a lot, or at least we thought we had. We had lunch with a very good friend and en­joyed our­selves tremen­dously.

On our way home from lunch I men­tioned the fact to my wife that I was feel­ing very tired and I prob­a­bly could do with a Power Nap, as they call them to­day. She just looked at me and said, “Go ahead and get your nap in.”

Be­ing the hus­band that I am, I al­ways obey my wife. And so, off to the par­son­age I headed to get in a well-de­served, at least I thought it was, Power Nap to re­ju­ve­nate what lit­tle en­ergy I had left.

Noth­ing feels better to me than stretch­ing out on my easy chair, clos­ing my eyes and drift­ing off into Lala land, of which I am a fre­quent vis­i­tor.

I am not quite sure how long I was sleep­ing, but sud­denly I heard a weird noise that awak­ened me. That weird noise was the tele­phone ring­ing. I never know who’s call­ing and I never know if it might be im­por­tant, so I an­swered the phone.

I am so tired of get­ting tele­phone calls that just in­ter­rupt my day. I get calls from some­body who has a so­lu­tion for my stu­dent loan and how to pay it off. I never went to col­lege, and there­fore I don’t have a stu­dent loan. At my age, if I had a stu­dent loan it would be a tragic sit­u­a­tion.

The call was from some health agency that had a deep con­cern about my health. More par­tic­u­larly, they had so­lu­tions for pains that I was ex­pe­ri­enc­ing.

“I understand,” the per­son on the other end of the tele­phone said very busi­nesslike, “that you are hav­ing prob­lems with pain in your body.”

I do not know where he got that un­der­stand­ing or why he would be in­ter­ested in any of my pain.

“No, sir,” I said with a healthy yawn, “there ain’t no pain here.”

“Is there some­one in your house,” he went on to say, “that has some back pain?”

With­out giv­ing me time to re­spond, he con­tin­ued, “I be­lieve you qual­ify for one of our back braces to help man­age your back pain.”

“No, sir,” I said most pa­thet­i­cally, “no­body here has that kind of pain.”

Not hin­dered in his sales­man pitch, he said, “Is there some­one in your home that has an an­kle pain? I have a won­der­ful so­lu­tion that I would like to send you to deal with that pain?”

I still was a lit­tle dizzy be­cause of be­ing awak­ened from my Power Nap that I was not quite able to com­pre­hend what he was talk­ing about. He just kept on talk­ing.

Fi­nally, he said, “What kind of pain does any­body in your house­hold have that we could ad­dress to­day?”

Ob­vi­ously, he had so­lu­tions for pain, but the prob­lem was I did not have any pain for him to ad­dress.

I was about to hang up on him when a few gray cells woke up from their Power Nap and nudged me with a thought.

“Now that you men­tioned it,” I said as se­ri­ously as pos­si­ble, “there is a pain here that per­haps you could help me with.”

“Yes, sir,” he said most en­thu­si­as­ti­cally, “we want to help you with all the pain that you might have. How can we help you to­day? What is your pain?”

“Well, sir,” I said rather slowly, “I have this throb­bing pain in my neck. How in the world can you help me with that?”

I no­ticed his pause at the other end of the tele­phone. Then I heard the ques­tion I was wait­ing for.

“Where did you get this pain in the neck? And how in the world can I help?”

With­out any pause, I jumped in and said, “My pain in the neck is from people like you call­ing me and dis­turb­ing me in my nap. The only way you can help me is to quit call­ing me!” [Click] With that click, he cured my pain in the neck. If all pain could be solved that quickly this world would be a much better place I am sure.

A lit­tle while later my wife came into the par­son­age, took one look at me and said, “Why do you look so happy? Did your nap work for you to­day?”

“No,” I said with a lit­tle gig­gle, “I just got rid of a pain in the neck.”

I could not help but think of one of my fa­vorite Proverbs. “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a bro­ken spirit dri­eth the bones” (Proverbs 17:22).

With all the agi­ta­tion in the world, a per­son is some­times tempted to get all caught up with bit­ter­ness and anger. I have learned the hard way, that the best way to deal with agi­ta­tion is to make fun of it so that some­body laughs, par­tic­u­larly me.

Dr. James L. Sny­der is pas­tor of the Fam­ily of God Fel­low­ship, 1471 Pine Road, Ocala, FL 34472. He lives with his wife in Sil­ver Springs Shores. Call him at 352-687-4240 or email jamess­ny­der2@att.net. The church web­site is www. whatafel­low­ship.com.

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