Mother-in-law wants to visit, will not wear a mask

Dear Carolyn: I am doing my best to stay home and not risk getting COVID. My dear husband works in a grocery store but is faithful about mask-wearing. So far, so good.

My problem is that my mother-in-law wants us to come to dinner every two weeks or so. I think she believes God has his hand over us and we are safe. I don’t share that conviction. She is starting to resent me for speaking up and refusing to come.

And, really, what difference does it make if my husband goes over and then brings the virus back to me? She is pro-mask but won’t wear one. She is also deaf and gets irritated with me when she can’t understand me through the mask. My husband, father-in-law, and sister-in-law are no help. They have always catered to her demands.

What do I do? I’m not trying to have a power play here, but I don’t want this virus and I don’t want her to get it, either. I feel like I’m being an ass when I hold my ground but I also believe it is the right thing to do.

Damned if I Do, Sick if I Don’t

It is the right thing to do. There’s no belief element to it. There is a virus and there are facts and you’re right.

That’s why you’re not “being an ass” when you hold your ground — you’re being a hero. A loving, sensible, rational, brave, patriotic, strong-as-hell, (borrowing a phrase) total freaking warrior.

I am sorry your mother-in-law’s weakness, and the others’ even weaker weakness in the face of her weakness, mean your heroics are being undermined, possibly someday negated, once per fortnight.

But that doesn’t mean you should cave.