‘Lean’ epilogue will be missing key character
The sudden death of Dave Goldberg shook Silicon Valley to its core.
Roughly 1,700 people last week paid respects at a memorial at Stanford University. At the event, tech luminaries mourned the death of Goldberg, husband of Facebook executive Sheryl Sandberg and the CEO of Survey Monkey, who apparently slipped on a treadmill while on vacation in Mexico, striking his head in a fatal blow.
But his death was also a tragedy in another way: It was the end of a dream that Goldberg and Sandberg embodied. That a high-achieving
woman — a wife, mother of two and ambitious executive — could have it all, backed by a supportive partner. That she could “lean in” to her career when many feel pressure to pull back. That she could be dubbed one of the most powerful women in the world by Forbes, helping Facebook grow into a global juggernaut, yet still be the mom she wanted to be, leaving work at 5:30 p.m. to get home in time for dinner.
After Sandberg published her 2013 book, “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead,” the power couple’s lifestyle inspired a movement. Across the nation, there are now thousands of “Lean In Circles” to support career-oriented women, and men who read the book now discuss how to help women succeed. A movie based on her book is in the works.
In the book, Sandberg seemed to formulate an intricate, successful work-life balance equation, with a supportive partner at her side. But without Goldberg, does the “Lean In” equation crumble? Observers of the “Lean In” movement say Goldberg’s death not only exposes the sometimes impossible calculations women make when balancing family and career, but they also say Sandberg now has a chance to take a fresh look at her formula.
“If anything, all of this probably emphasized the message of how important it is for men and women to share responsibility on the career side and family side,” said Deborah Merrill-Sands, dean of University of New Hampshire’s Peter T. Paul College of Business and Economics. “It’s really heightened that message.”
Sad facts you’ll already know if you read Sandberg’s book: In 1970, U.S. women made 59 cents for every dollar men made. By 2010, that rose to only 77 cents. Women hold just 14 percent of executive officer jobs and 17 percent of board seats, according to a 2012 Catalyst census. And in a study, when you change an entrepreneur’s name from Heidi to Howard, students in the study find that person more appealing.
While Sandberg drew most of the attention, arguably the most important character in the book was Goldberg. It was her husband who persuaded her to take the job as Facebook’s chief operating officer, despite her fears of balancing work and family. And it was Goldberg who said he would step up efforts to be home while she needed to be away at work. At the core of her success, Sandberg wrote, was Dave.
“It was hard to read the book and not like Dave,” said Karissa Thacker, a management psychologist who advises Fortune 500 companies. “The idea of someone who supports someone else and is incredibly successful and confident in their own right, but they are also able to put their ego on their shelf for their spouse, that is something that a lot of people crave.”
Another strategy
But some people never get so lucky. And rather than “leaning in” toward ambitious career goals, some single moms simply have to survive. Christine Carter, author of “The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work,” said when she was a single mom, her general strategy was to do the “minimum effective dose” of everything — from exercise to helping her kids with their homework.
She hired a college student to pick up the kids and tutor them. She seemed sympathetic to the grieving Sandberg but also hopes that, as Sandberg readjusts, she’ll aim for more transparency in showing moms how to juggle it all.
“We don’t know how many nannies she has. We don’t know if she has a cook. We just know she did half and Dave did half,” Carter said. “She’s going to have to revise that formula, and I’m just really hopeful that she’ll be more transparent by how she’s doing it.”
Some experts also said this could be an opportunity for Sandberg to address a larger group of women, who struggle with low income or other circumstances.
“I think she will start to have a more nuanced understanding for what it’s like for women of different economic backgrounds and family situations,” said MerrillSands, at the University of New Hampshire.
“For single mothers with kids to try to do the kind of leaning in that Sheryl was admonishing them to do, there is a whole set of challenges they are trying to juggle.”
And yet, some lessons in “Lean In” don’t have to do with status. Things like how to negotiate or network apply to women of all backgrounds, said Cali Williams Yost, a flexible workplace strategy consultant. But one piece that’s missing is how to handle unexpected changes, big or small, including relocation, everyday hassles or the death of a loved one.
Part of movement
“Ultimately, this is part of the ‘Lean In’ movement,” Yost said. “Knowing how to think that through and decide what that looks like is a skill set.”
Whether Sandberg revises her book or not, Anna Dapelo-Garcia, founder of a Lean In Circle called “Lean In Latinas,” said she and her group will be discussing Goldberg’s death.
“I don’t think you could go to a circle meeting where you wouldn’t talk about that,” DapeloGarcia said. “You want to do that in honor of the person. We’re honoring her work through these circles. We’re validating her work through these circles.”
Facebook and Sandberg’s nonprofit, LeanIn.Org, did not return requests for comment. LeanIn.Org sent a note to its members, acknowledging the sadness of Goldberg’s death and launching online Mother’s Day cards “to celebrate the amazing women in our lives.“
“Now more than ever, we know how precious the people who support us are,” the message said.
“It was hard to
read the book and
not like Dave.” Karissa Thacker, management psychologist who advises Fortune 500 companies