Man with fetish badgers wife to re­sume smok­ing

By Jeanne Phillips

San Francisco Chronicle - - DATEBOOK - Write to Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069 or

Dear Abby:

I am a 28-year-old fe­male. I re­cently mar­ried an amaz­ing man, “Jeremy.” My only is­sue is, Jeremy has an ob­ses­sion/fetish with women smok­ing cig­a­rettes. He fan­ta­sizes about me smok­ing all day, ev­ery day. I quit five years ago (be­fore I met him). I hated smok­ing — the smell, the waste of money, the ex­am­ple I was set­ting for my kids, the harm to my health and feel­ing out of breath. But ev­ery day he keeps beg­ging me to start up again. He tells me he’d do any­thing in the world to turn me on, and doesn’t un­der­stand why I refuse to please him by smok­ing. He asks me to hold a cig­a­rette, take pic­tures of my­self smok­ing it and send them to him. He wants to smell it on my breath. He’s lit­er­ally ob­sessed.

It re­ally both­ers me. I’ve bawled my eyes out in front of him telling him how much I don’t want to do it. He’ll feel bad and say he’ll stop, but starts back up again. We plan on hav­ing a baby. I asked him how he’d feel if I smoked with his baby in my belly. He re­sponded that I’d have to quit for the preg­nancy. I feel this is go­ing to ruin our mar­riage. What should I do? Lost and Hurt in New Eng­land

Dear Lost and Hurt:

I con­fess, your let­ter is a first. If Jeremy loved you, rather than risk your health for his sex­ual grat­i­fi­ca­tion, he would be seek­ing pro­fes­sional help for his fetish. Smok­ing is not a harm­less habit. If you take up smok­ing again, it will ruin your health and en­dan­ger the health of any chil­dren you might have with him. Do not give in.

Dear Abby: Re­cently, I at­tended my daugh­ter’s high school grad­u­a­tion. It was an out­door event, and to my cha­grin, the whole crowd to our left was talk­ing over the speak­ers, which made it im­pos­si­ble to hear. My chil­dren, who also could not hear, were mor­ti­fied when I shushed the group very loudly. It made no dif­fer­ence, but the ar­gu­ment now is that I acted in­ap­pro­pri­ately. I be­lieve I was right, and I wish I had even stood up and asked loudly for them to please be quiet. What do you think? Quiet, Please, in New Haven

Dear Quiet, Please: I don’t think you did any­thing wrong. The in­di­vid­u­als who were talk­ing were rude not only to the speak­ers, but also to the au­di­ence mem­bers who wanted to hear what the speak­ers were say­ing with­out be­ing distracted. Good for you for try­ing to get them to pipe down. I’m sorry they were so self-en­ti­tled that it didn’t work.

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