DEAR ABBY

San Francisco Chronicle - - COMICS & PUZZLES - By Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I have been with my hus­band since 2009. In 2017 we had a sur­prise baby, who is now 2 years and 9 months old.

Con­nect­ing as a cou­ple was get­ting dif­fi­cult be­fore the preg­nancy, but now that we have this cute, ex­tremely en­er­getic child, we don’t con­nect at all. If I don’t ask for a kiss, I don’t get one. If I don’t ask for sex, it would never hap­pen. I have to ini­ti­ate ev­ery­thing.

I have men­tioned this is­sue many times but noth­ing changes. The only con­ver­sa­tion he wants to have is about the news or what he did at work. If I try to talk about any­thing else, he gives me brief an­swers and moves to a dif­fer­ent sub­ject. I’m bored in this mar­riage and tired of not get­ting any kind of ro­mance at all. Help! — Room­mate Or Ro­mance?

Dear R. Or R.: Your hus­band may be as over­whelmed by par­ent­hood as you are, and con­cerned about pro­vid­ing for this “sur­prise” baby, which is why he has dis­tanced him­self. Your re­la­tion­ship could also have been wind­ing down be­fore your preg­nancy hap­pened. I am not sure a reg­u­larly sched­uled date night can bring you two back in sync, but a li­censed mar­riage and fam­ily ther­a­pist may be able to re­open the lines of com­mu­ni­ca­tion be­tween you.

Dear Abby: I am hop­ing for ad­vice re­gard­ing my re­la­tion­ship with my fa­ther and his chil­dren. I met my dad and his much younger sec­ond fam­ily when I was 24. I have never felt close to any of them, and 10 years later, noth­ing has changed. Dad lives across the coun­try and is now ter­mi­nal be­cause of his al­co­holism. My sib­lings are telling me I need to see him be­fore he dies. I don’t feel an obli­ga­tion to do that, but I feel guilty for not feel­ing bad.

I don’t feel much con­nec­tion with my sib­lings ei­ther, and am pretty sure that once my fa­ther passes, com­mu­ni­ca­tion will cease com­pletely. Should I reach out and try to rekin­dle a re­la­tion­ship be­fore he passes? Do I owe him that? — Un­cer­tain In Maine

Dear Un­cer­tain: It may be a lit­tle late to rekin­dle a re­la­tion­ship with your fa­ther, who was ab­sent dur­ing such a large chunk of your life. This may be the rea­son you aren’t griev­ing his ap­proach­ing death. That said, if there is any­thing you feel you might like to say to your fa­ther that has not been said — and I’ll bet there is plenty — it might be in your own best in­ter­ests to have a fi­nal con­ver­sa­tion or two with him. You owe it to your­self.

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