How to correct someone who keeps getting your name wrong

DearMissManners: I have a name that is very similar to other names. Having spentmy entire life being called by the wrong name, I do not take offense. I simply tell peoplemy name. Sometimes in writing.

And yet it persists. I typically try to reintroducemyself, maybe more than once, but ... it feels super awkward to shout out, “That’s notmy bloody name, already!!!”

I amin a volunteer position inmy community, andmy programcontact still callsmeby the wrong name— after multiple introductions, despitemy subsequent efforts to try to discreetly inform them (e.g., in every signature of every email).

Suggestions on how to politely fix this, both specifically and in general? It is just disappointing to resignmyself to telling people, for a lifetime, “My name is Saucer, not Soccer.”

Gentle reader: There is, unfortunately, nowholesale solution, as the next personwhomistakes your name has noway of knowing about the 4,628who offended before.

You will therefore have to resign yourself to correcting that person with one of the self-effacing approaches with which you are so familiar.

Apersonwhomakes the same mistake after multiple corrections can be handled more sternly. MissManners sees nothing improper in saying, “I volunteer here because everyone is so considerate. But please, if you could let everyone knowthatmy name is ...”

DearMissManners: If we are hosting a birthday party at our home for a niece or nephew, is there a politeway to suggest to the parent not to bring the biggest cake they can find?

Often times, we are left with a huge cake to fit into our fridge, whichwe actually don’twant once the party is over. I feel guilty for throwing it out. Can I ask them to downsize the cake so more of it gets eaten by the guests? Or, if they must get a big one, to take the leftovershome with them?

Gentlereader: Youmay not, but youmay rebox what’s left at the end of the party and hand it to your brother or sister on their way out the door.

Protests that they have no place to put it should be met with a knowing, “I completely understand. It’s just that if it stays here, it’s going to get thrown out, and perhaps Liam will want another piece.”

DearMissManners:

Several years back, a co-worker knownfor her sharp tongue commented that I needed to give her the “short version” of whatever she’d askedme. This hurtmy feelings, but also gotmewondering if I was talking too much.

Since then, I’ve tried to be as concise as possible. NowI get criticized for not talking. Is there such a thing as a happy medium? If so, howdo I reach it?

Gentlereader: It is very sporting of you to try to accommodate a demand delivered in such a peremptoryway, but Miss Manners does not see it ever having the intended effect.

Everyone you meet will have a different opinion about howmuch time they have to listen. Better to say what you intend, in the number ofwords you think it merits, and trust that well-meaning listeners will appreciate it when you allowthem to do the same.

DearMissManners: I knowthat dinner rolls and butter are not traditionally part of a formal dinner service, but if I dowant to serve butter at the dinner table, howshould I do so?

I have a collection of antique butter pats in various patterns that I would love to use, but I am wondering exactly how thesewere traditionally used. WhenI have tried to search online for “how to use butter pats,” most of the results refer either to slices of butter froma stick, or to implements for making and shaping butter — not howto use these tiny plates.

Gentlereader: Did you bookmark the link about shaping butter? Not if it’s about sculpting a chicken out of butter as a centerpiece, that is. But it may be useful if it has to do with making tiny shapes— roses or pleated balls, for instance— to put on those little plates, confusingly themselves called butter pats, which are for serving individual portions of butter.

You can just whack squares froma butter stick, of course. But such plates were generally forgotten, or pressed into humiliating service as inadequate ashtrays, and Miss Manners presumes you would like tomake them proud again.

To send a question to the MissManners team of JudithMartin, Nicholas IvorMartin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.