Wife hates hus­band’s se­cret lin­gerie habit

Sun Sentinel Broward Edition - - Markets - Amy Dick­in­son Read­ers can send email to askamy@amy­dick­in­son.com or let­ters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.

Dear Amy: I have been mar­ried 15 years to a man I knew in high school. I be­came aware of his prob­lem a few years ago, when I found a bra in our laun­dry room that was not my size. Fi­nally, my hus­band con­fessed he’d bought it for him­self. He said it was a one-time thing.

Af­ter he re­turned from a busi­ness trip, I found more women’s lin­gerie. He assured me it wouldn’t hap­pen again. Then, I found a white gown and panties in his back­pack in the trunk of his car.

He wrote me an email say­ing he was fas­ci­nated with fe­male lin­gerie. I de­cided that he had a fetish, and sought mar­i­tal coun­sel­ing. He didn’t think it helped. I told him then that if he had to make these pur­chases I did not want to ever know about them, and I’d bet­ter not ever find ev­i­dence.

Last week I dis­cov­ered two emails on his phone (yes, I was snoop­ing again) where he has or­dered al­most $1,000 of lin­gerie AND women’s cloth­ing. He also has a se­cret post of­fice box where these ship­ments are de­liv­ered.

Your ad­vice? — Con­fused Wife

Dear Wife: You have de­manded that your hus­band must not dis­close any­thing about this fetish to you. You also de­manded that you must never find any ev­i­dence of it.

He seems to have gone to great lengths to keep this a se­cret, as you in­sist he must. So why do you keep snoop­ing? If you don’t want to be con­fronted by some­thing, then don’t look for it.

Cross-dress­ing is ob­vi­ously a very im­por­tant part of your hus­band’s life. It is shock­ing to me that your ther­a­pist didn’t help you talk about this dur­ing your ses­sions. In­stead of in­sist­ing that your hus­band stop do­ing some­thing that he won’t stop do­ing, you might seek to un­der­stand it by dis­cussing it with him, sus­pend­ing your dis­gust and judg­ment un­til you un­der­stand his im­pulse.

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