Downey: Suicide note highlights pressures

Questions about academic expectations are raised after a California teen leaves three notes about his growing despair.

The suicide of a young person leads to review — and sometimes recriminations — about whether warnings were overlooked. Sometimes, broader questions are raised about the challenges of growing up in America. Such questions are being asked after the suicide two weeks ago of an articulate California teen who left three suicide notes about his growing despair over school and final exams.

In his notes, 16-year-old Patrick Turner of Newport Beach, Calif., detailed the intense pressures at his academically acclaimed public high school, explaining, “So much pressure is put on the students to do well that I couldn’t do it anymore.”

The release of Patrick’s letters is spurring a national conversation on whether we expect too much of kids, especially in affluent and well educated communities like Newport Beach, which has a median household income of $113,071.

When I asked metro Atlanta teachers about stress among their students, they told me about the many teens taking anti-anxiety drugs and the kids breaking down after class over how overwhelmed they felt.

Patrick addressed one letter to the faculty and administration of Corona del Mar High, in which he described the stresses at this school as “inescapable.” He also faulted teachers for telling students they will be tested on materials they haven’t learned or barely covered. He had a simple recommendation to the school: “Make changes.”

Patrick addressed another note to family friends and “whoever reads this,” telling them, “One slip-up makes a kid feel like the smallest person in the world. You are looked at as a loser if you don’t go college or get a certain GPA or test score. All anyone talks about is how great they are or how great their kid is.”

Patrick’s third note assures his parents and siblings they’re not the cause of his pain and he loves them and appreciates all they did for him.

Patrick’s letters inspired a thoughtful community letter from Sean Boulton, principal of Newport Harbor High, which is in the same district as Corona del Mar High School. Boulton talked about why there was so much pressure now on teens.

“Our teachers and district have simply created and maintained a system that our community/country has demanded from us over the past 20 years since college admissions mania went into hyper drive, since vocational training programs were dismantled, and since earning A’s in AP classes became the norm,” said Boulton. “We endlessly discuss test scores, National Merit Scholarships, reading scores, AP scholars, comparisons to other school districts and this is when we start losing our collective souls — and our children.”

He talked about the rush to shield kids from failure: “We think earning a C in a class is the end of the world, and we don’t allow our students to advocate for themselves. We have also devalued a military career, a plumbing or welding job, and we are a little embarrassed if our children wish to attend vocational training schools instead of a major university.”

In a similar vein, Grady High School principal Betsy Bockman, disheartened by the anxiety she sees in students, sent a cautionary note to parents about overloading their children’s schedules with too many demanding classes.

“Our children need us to give them permission to balance their lives and

make down-time as important as the accumulation of accolades, honors, trophies, and high-level courses,” said Bockman. “We have to teach them to find joy and confidence in doing fewer things well so that they build internal happiness rather than trying to do too many things that just cannot be successfully managed by young people with only 16 or 17 years of life experience under their belts.”

A private-school teacher with two children at high-performing Northview High School in Fulton County, Traci Shuster is starting a campaign in her community to address teen anxiety, meeting with the principal Friday and reaching out to the state Department of Education.

“Teenagers have always had insecurities and lack of confidence — nobody wants to go back to their teenage years. But, today, social media and the society exacerbate these things beyond anything we ever imagined,” said Shuster.

Social media affects every teenager, regardless of where they fall on the striver scale. Kids are bombarded

with social media images of other teens having a great time, failing to realize they are looking at highly curated galleries. Research suggests spending time on social media platforms, including Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook, increases the risk of depression and anxiety in young adults.

Shuster teaches at a private school geared to kids involved in competitive sports, modeling and acting so it holds classes three days a week. Because of her limited time with her busy students, Shuster created “Touch-base Tuesday” in which kids share updates on tournaments, auditions or family events. “I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I have many past students who sprinted from my classroom and never looked back, but I don’t think many of them did it because they felt I didn’t like them,” she said.

Her message to fellow teachers and parents: “Slow down. Let’s shift the focus from quantity to quality. Our mindset has to change.”

The heartfelt notes left behind by a California teen who killed himself are sparking a national discussion of the pressure on kids to excel in school.