KRISTOF: A con­ver­sa­tion be­tween Jim Bakker, God

The Citizens' Voice - - COMMENTARY / NEWS - NI­CHOLAS D. KRISTOF is a colum­nist for the New York Times.

Bakker: “I ad­mit, Trump isn’t per­fect. No man is per­fect, ex­cept our Lord Je­sus Christ. But Trump is pro­life.”

God: “He’s pro-life for fe­tuses. That’s about it.”

Bakker: “But God, you put Trump in power! So many evan­gel­i­cal lead­ers, like Robert Jef­fress, have pointed out that Trump could have been elected only if that was your do­ing.”

God: “Don’t blame me! I en­dorse free will. And if Trump’s elec­tion had been my do­ing, I would have made sure he also won the pop­u­lar vote.”

Bakker: “Pastor Paula White said the other day on my tele­vi­sion show that since Trump’s pres­i­dency is God’s will, op­po­si­tion to Trump amounts to re­sist­ing ‘the hand of God.’”

God: “Hmm. Did she say that when Barack Obama was serv­ing two terms?”

Bakker: “But Trump is an in­stru­ment of Je­sus. Fight­ing abor­tion­ists and refugees.”

God: “I wish you’d read your Bi­ble, and not just thump it. Je­sus never said a peep about abor­tions or gays. And you know who was a refugee?” Bakker: “Hitler?” God: “How about Je­sus? Je­sus’s fam­ily fled King Herod’s slaugh­ter of the in­no­cents and found asy­lum in Egypt. Maybe an­cient Egypt was more tol­er­ant of refugees than Trump?”

Bakker: “But God! We peo­ple of faith are just try­ing to do Je­sus’s will!”

God: “Je­sus didn’t cod­dle the fi­nanciers of his day, the money-chang­ers, but hounded them while com­fort­ing the needy. Fol­low him, and the fo­cus would be on: ‘I was hun­gry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me noth­ing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not wel­come me, naked and you did not give me cloth­ing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Nuns and mis­sion­ar­ies make me proud when they fight AIDS or tu­tor in pris­ons. I love World Vi­sion’s hu­man­i­tar­ian pro­grams. But I’m just in­sulted when peo­ple in­voke my name and side with big­ots or hurt the poor.”

Bakker: “It’s more com­pli­cated than that. If to­day’s for­eign­ers spoke English and were good white Chris­tians like Joseph and Mary, I’d wel­come them. But they speak strange lan­guages. If English was good enough for Je­sus, it’s good enough for ev­ery­one in Amer­ica.”

God: “Eloi, eloi, lema sabachthani.”

Bakker: “God, will you send your flesh and blood again on Earth so that we can ex­alt him?”

God: “Her. You see, I did. She’s a 16-year-old Syr­ian Mus­lim girl in Arkansas. But ICE just ar­rested her and de­ported her to a refugee camp in Tur­key.”

Bakker: “Uh-oh.”

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