Widow reaches out to step­daugh­ter

The Commercial Appeal - - Sports -

My hus­band of 44 years passed away from Alzheimer’s dis­ease six years ago. I was a widow when I met him and had three small chil­dren, a son and two daugh­ters. He had been di­vorced for 2 1/2 years and also had three chil­dren from a pre­vi­ous mar­riage, two sons and a daugh­ter. The two boys came to live with us. The daugh­ter, “Alice,” stayed with her mother.

Alice kept in close touch as long as we were sup­port­ing her fi­nan­cially. We no­ticed she seemed to be jeal­ous of my chil­dren, es­pe­cially my daugh­ters. We tried to in­clude her in all of our fam­ily gath­er­ings. But af­ter she got mar­ried — with a big church wed­ding that we paid for — we didn’t hear from her very much. We didn’t even get so much as a phone call from her on my hus­band’s birth­day or on Fa­ther’s Day.

A while back, my hus­band had a heart at­tack and was not al­lowed vis­i­tors in the hospi­tal aside from me. Alice went into a rage.

She told me he was her daddy and he had been taken away from her. I re­minded her that I had noth­ing to do with their di­vorce. (Her mother asked for the di­vorce; she was hav­ing an af­fair.) It was very up­set­ting, to say the least.

Years later, to­ward the end of my hus­band’s life, I let Alice know when he was put on hospice. She made one visit to see him. She lived an hour and a half away.

I’ve not seen her since my hus­band’s death. I have sent notes and tried to stay in touch. Her broth­ers passed away sev­eral years ago, and she was in con­tact with me about their as­sets, but that’s all. When I heard her mother passed away, I sent a sym­pa­thy card.

My hus­band re­al­ized Alice did not re­ally want to be a part of our lives, but he was such a won­der­ful fa­ther I felt that I should try keep­ing in touch with her out of re­spect for him. She doesn’t have any chil­dren. Should I keep try­ing to stay in touch or just give up?

It is sad that Alice has used you as an emo­tional scape­goat for all these years, and it’s sad­der still that she’s deny­ing her­self the love of a fam­ily mem­ber when she has no other fam­ily left.

You’ve reached out and given her many chances to build a good re­la­tion­ship with you. Maybe one day she’ll come to her senses and want to re­con­nect. But un­til then, al­low your­self to move on. Your hus­band wouldn’t want to see you re­peat­edly hurt by his daugh­ter’s re­jec­tions.

You re­cently pro­vided a very use­ful list of what a gen­tle­man should wear to a wed­ding or event based on the dress code listed on the in­vi­ta­tion. Could you do the same for women, please?

If it’s a “white tie” event, dress as if you were headed to the Os­cars — with a full-length ball­gown and care­fully styled hair. For “black tie” out­ings, go with a long evening gown or an el­e­gant black cock­tail dress. If it’s “for­mal,” stick with a chic cock­tail dress or long evening gown. “Semi­for­mal” or “cock­tail” means a cock­tail dress. For a “ca­sual” wed­ding, go with a sun­dress or dressy blouse and skirt. When in doubt, ask the host.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.