Adult daugh­ter must fol­low rules

The Commercial Appeal - - Sunday Break -

My daugh­ter is a sopho­more in col­lege. She has had a boyfriend for the past two years. He sounds like a nice young man. My daugh­ter has asked if she can bring him home for Thanks­giv­ing. I like the idea. My con­cern is the ground rules. Call my hus­band and me old-fashioned, but we do not be­lieve my daugh­ter should sleep in the same room as her boyfriend un­til they are mar­ried, no mat­ter what they do when they are on their own. What should I say?

Do not feel em­bar­rassed about want­ing to enforce your house rules. Call her and tell her how ex­cited you and your hus­band are for her and her boyfriend to visit. Give her a sense of any sched­uled ac­tiv­i­ties that you would like for them to at­tend. Then tell her where she will sleep and where her boyfriend will sleep. If she tries to re­sist, re­mind her that you and your hus­band do not con­done sleep­ing to­gether be­fore marriage.

Be prac­ti­cal as well. Your daugh­ter may not be as traditional in her val­ues as you are. When­ever you can, have her tell you about her re­la­tion­ship, what she val­ues and what she hopes for with this young man. When they are with you, be sup­port­ive and at­ten­tive. You don’t have to re­lax your rules, but you do need to lis­ten care­fully in or­der to best guide your daugh­ter through this time of ex­plo­ration and grow­ing ma­tu­rity.

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